School update

It is now day three of the new school year (at least for the school my son attends,) and so far there have been two issues that were addressed and two phone calls. Not bad for only three days!

The first issue that was dealt with (...with no phone call to come and pick up my son,) was an altercation with another student. This is a huge first! Not only did the school deal with it in a prompt manner, they also 'closed' the incident so there will be no other problems. Hallelujah!

The second issue had to do with my son's level of learning. Since grade six, the regular school system simply passed my son regardless of whether he actually learned enough information to warrant the passing grade. I have been fighting this battle with no results until now. The last school my son attended, Betty Gilbert Middle School, as well as his previous school, Ecolé Christine Morrison, both refused to fail my son, opting instead to pass him into the next grade, citing "school policy" as the reason. I don't know what good this policy is doing by simply moving children through the system as it seems to be based on the child being with his "peer group" instead of learning.

However, the first thing Apex did (my son's new school,) was to place him in the grade eight classroom instead of the grade nine class that was recommended on his final report card from last year. Finally, my son will now receive (she says with fingers crossed,) the education that has been sorely lacking for the last three years.

I was also informed by the principal, Ms. Epicch, that the only time my son will ever be sent home from school, aside from being legitimately sick, is if he comes to school under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or if he brings a weapon...both of which I am confident he will not do. (Again, with crossed fingers!)

The phone calls that I have received to date, were from the family support worker, (another plus this school has over the regular system,) who informed me that so far my son was actually completing work in the classroom and they were working on his paranoia regarding his allergies and food. The second phone call was this morning informing me that he had missed the bus. (This I already knew and had dropped him off at the office moments before the call.)

So far I am thrilled with the way they are handling and dealing with my son. There just might be a light at the end of the tunnel after all! I will keep you posted...

A Fresh Start

This past week has been a busy one. My son and I attended an intake meeting with the school coordinator at a new school, and toured the facilities. I must say I'm rather impressed with what I saw.

There are just over 100 students in the school, from grades seven to twelve, with the average classroom size being 10 to 15 students per class, with 3 adults (one teacher, one TA and one counselor,) in each class. The school also introduces itself as a family instead of a school, which appeals to kids like mine. The school caters to kids who don't fit in the regular school system, or have been in trouble, making it appear to be a good fit for my son.

After speaking with the coordinator, who is also filling the Vice Principal position, I feel relieved and confident that my son will do well there. There is a bus system, plus a lunch program - meals are prepared on the premises - and not only do they prepare lunches, they also serve breakfast. There is a small 'shop' where woodworking and mechanical work are done, a small weight room, music room and gymnasium along with the regular classrooms. There is also a counseling room (should it become necessary) and several counselors available throughout the day.

Because the size of the school is much smaller than regular schools, the staff is better able to assist with students who are having troubles - not understanding, not willing to participate, not willing to work, etc. The students are allowed to listen to music and stand at their desks if that is what helps them to complete the work. Their curriculum is also tailored to their individual needs and strengths, to better facilitate their willingness and ability to learn.

The school also runs a five week long summer day camp from Monday to Thursday each week that provides some academics as well as activities and field trips. The coordinator suggested (as he does with each new registration) that my son attend as this will help the staff to tailor his schooling and get him used to the school, meet some of the students, and settle in.

Overall, I'm pleased and hopeful this next year will be more productive for my son, both with academics and social interaction. He is already looking forward to summer day camp and attending regular classes there. Now if we can just keep his interest....

On a Personal Note

It has been a while since I have written anything personal, as I have been concentrating on making sure my readers had as much up to date information and support as I could find. So today, I'm going to play catch up.

For those of you who have been following my blog, you already know about my son. However, for the new readers out there who have (hopefully) stumbled onto my page, I am a single mother of a (now) 13 year old boy who has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. Quite a mouthful, and to be honest, quite a lot to deal with some days.

After my son had such a dismal grade 6 year, I decided to move to Maple Ridge, where, I had heard, there was more in school support. I must say, the professionals who have been seeing my son for the past 9 months have been amazing! What a change from his last school.

Unfortunately, he is in the last month of his last elementary year. Next year, he is slated to attend Junior High - something that neither of us are prepared for.

However, we have been spared that particular dilemma, by once again moving - I know, I know, but each move has been less traumatic and to better neighbourhoods and schools, so the upheaval can be weighed against the yearly improvements I have been seeing in my son.

This particular location (Langley) has a wonderful support system for kids like mine, and even better, a middle school. The perfect solution to ease my son into Junior High. I have been in touch with the school, and they in turn, have been in touch with the principal of my son's present school, so hopefully everything will be in place before he starts grade 8 - God willing and the creeks don't rise!

I will keep you posted on his progress...

More ADHD Information Links

As promised, here are more information links for ADHD and its attendant disabilities. What information we have on this and other related disorders is growing daily, due to research and parental stories.
Some of these sites may seem familiar in their content, however, sometimes it is just a matter of connecting or the rewording of info that helps us to find the solutions we are been searching for.
This list of articles outline different approaches to treatment, as well as help for parents.

Articles

My ADHD/ODD/OCD Son Refuses to Respond to Discipline, and Consequences Don't Mean Anything - Please Help Me!
If I had been told that I would be the mother of a wonderful, smart, handsome boy, I would have been thrilled and excited with my new role.
If I had been told that this same wonderful, smart, handsome boy would also have ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I would have run screaming for the hills!

ADHD Alternative Treatments: Physical Exercise
Everybody knows that exercise is good for our bodies, but did you know that it is also good for our minds? Recent studies have found that regular exercise can play a significant role in relieving the symptoms of ADHD, and many doctors now consider regular exercise to be an important part of any alternative treatment program for ADHD.

Help for Parents of ADHD Children
For most children attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a behavioral disorder that tends to lead children to act without thinking. Approximately 8 to 10 percent of school-aged children are affected by ADHD, and it typically affects boys more than girls. Typically, the parent, school, or day-care provider notices behaviors that are linked to ADHD such as:

Adult ADHD
ADHD in adults is a serious condition. Many people do not realize that adults can suffer from this disorder because they think people with ADHD have to be loud, hyperactive, tons of energy, impulsive people. However, the fact is that this is not just something kids suffer from, in fact, it is not like kids that have ADHD just grow out of it. This is not just a phase, and often times the symptoms of ADHD get worse in adults than it was for kids.

ADHD Alternative Treatments: Sleep
Everybody knows that a bad night's sleep is likely to leave you moody, irritable, and bouncing between exhaustion and hyperactivity the next day. What is less well known is the fact that many of the symptoms of sleep deprivation are very similar to the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

ADHD Alternative Treatments: Nature Therapy
There are a number of natural and behavioral treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
One treatment that has been receiving a lot of attention in recent years is "nature therapy." Nature therapy is simply the use of natural settings and outdoor activities in treating a variety of mental disorders, including ADHD and ADD.

ADD/ADHD & Drug Free Treatment Options
When having a discussion about ADHD or ADD treatment, its important to understand what defines these ailments. Living with ADD means that your brain can't correctly control attention, making it hard to resist impulses and complete monotonous tasks. About one quarter of children with ADD, or attention deficit disorder, also have restlessness leading to ADHD. Even a seemingly calm child can still be diagnosed with attention deficit issues.

Adult ADHD (a different article from the previous link)
Many only associate ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) with children, but did  you know that a large percentage of individuals who experience symptoms as a child will find that they are carried well into adulthood? Sometimes even while their old symptoms start to decline, new symptoms will begin to appear that are primarily dominant in adult ADHD.

ADHD Medication Guide
In general, side effects of the stimulants most commonly found in ADHD drugs can include a decreased appetite, headaches, stomachaches, trouble getting to sleep, jitteriness, and social withdrawal. Other side effects which may be an early indicator that the dosage is too high (or that the individual is overly-sensitive to the medicine) include becoming overly focused or even appearing to be more dull/sedative than usual.

Practical Guidelines for Raising a Child with Adhd

1. Give Your Child Instant Reaction and Consequences More Often

When your child is faced with a job they find boring, tedious or unrewarding, you can guarantee they will find something else to do. If you want them to stay on task, then you will have to find a way to make it more interesting, or rewarding. Positive feedback, coupled with a reward system such as tokens, extra privileges or earning points etc, and mild negative consequences for straying off task are all ways to help keep your child stay focused. Also, if you are trying to change negative behaviours, you must give quick rewards and prompt feedback for good behaviour. Instead of looking for bad behaviour, start seeking out times when your child is behaving well, and give immediate praise.

2. Give Your Child Frequent Response

As mentioned in number 1, immediate feedback can be very helpful, even when given occasionally, but when you give it often, the results are much more beneficial. This doesn’t mean you should run around after your child, finding things to praise him for, no one has time for that. What you can do is instead of waiting until your child has finished his homework or cleaning his room, is to give him some praise and encouragement for what he has accomplished now. Because as you well know, sometimes the completion of a chore can take longer, and is most times accompanied by at least one argument. The more often you encourage your child with positive feedback, the more often he will stay on task.

3. Use Bigger and More Potent Consequences

Being the parent of an Adhd/Odd child, I have had to raise the bar with regard to punishments and consequences. What works for most kids, won’t work for children with this disability. I know there is a school of thought that says we shouldn’t ‘materially’ reward our kids too often because this could replace their feelings of accomplishment and desire to please. But these basic rewards aren’t enough to motivate or stop an Adhd child from inappropriate behaviours. Therefore it is important that more physical attention, like hugs, special snacks or treats, or even small toys and special privileges be considered to induce your child to do chores, homework, follow rules or behave well. (We used to call it bribery, but I find it works well.)

4. Use Incentives More, Punishment, Less

When children misbehave or do something wrong, it is common for their parents to serve up a punishment. However, when you have a child with Adhd who is much more likely to misbehave or act out, this could translate into an abnormal amount of negative reinforcement because they are consistently being punished. This can lead to a build up of resentments on both sides, and cause your child to become more hostile, or avoid you altogether.

Professionals stress “Positives before negatives.” How you do that is simple. When you want to change a negative behaviour with a positive one, such as playing well with siblings, simply watch for times when that behaviour happens naturally, and praise your child. The more often you do this, you will notice, the more often it occurs. However, before you begin to reprimand the opposite behaviour, make sure you have been consistently rewarding the good behaviour for at least a week or longer. A good ratio to keep in mind is 1 to 3. One punishment for every three accounts of praise or rewards. You have to pick your battles. By this, I mean you can’t punish your child for everything when you are trying to change a particular behaviour. You have to be consistent with praise and rewards, and place less emphasis on the punishments. Reward systems are a viable tool to help with this.

5. Segment Chores and Countdown for Transitions

You might have noticed that your child has difficulty completing complex chores like cleaning his room and has trouble shifting from an enjoyable activity to one that is tedious or just plain not fun. Because an Adhd child is focused in the ‘now’, they have a poor concept of ‘later’. By this, I mean they don’t have the same sense of time as other kids. They cannot comprehend the demands that involve timelines, or future results. An hour to them is the same as 5 minutes to us. If you want your child to complete a task in a certain amount of time, the best way to achieve that is have a clock or egg timer set for the desired time limit, and put it where they can see it. The downside to this is you have to keep bring it to their attention for it to work. Some parents use a recording that counts down the time in 5, 10 and 15-minute increments. I use that method vocally.

In order to get your child to finish a complex chore, like cleaning their rooms, the best way to accomplish this is to segment the chore. In other words, break it up into smaller pieces. Instead of having them ‘clean their rooms’, start with having them put their books in the bookcase, or put away all of their Lego. When that is completed, have them put their clothes away, etc. This will help them to keep their focus. The same method can be used to get the child to work on school assignments that require considerable research over a long period of time.

When it becomes necessary to shift their focus from an activity they enjoy to something like eating supper, or getting ready for bed, a good way to do this with a minimum of fuss is to give a verbal reminder, so they are prepared for the transition. Let them know that supper will be ready in a half hour, then again in 15 minutes, and so on. Then when you instruct them to wash up, they are prepared to stop what they are doing and switch gears. This method can be used for everything from getting ready for school, to bath time or being on time for doctor’s appointments.

6. Make Sure They Know the Rules

Adhd children have troubles with their memory. Specifically, the area of the memory, or the ability, to keep an objective forefront in their thoughts, such as retaining data needed to complete a task correctly. Something I have found particularly helpful is to write down important information, as you would important phone numbers in case of an emergency. The same principal applies here.

If your child has trouble with homework, write out a checklist of the steps from start to finish and place it on the table. This way when they start to go off-task, you can remind them to check the card to see what step they are currently working on. Or if your child has a problem playing nicely with others, or his behaviour goes over the top when someone comes over, write down the behaviours or rules that you want them to remember, and have them review the list before playing with friends, or visitors arrive.

An excellent way to reinforce this list of rules is to offer an incentive upon successful completion or remembering and following the guidelines. Whenever possible, have your child use a hands-on, physical approach to remember things. Most Adhd kids respond better when they can see and or touch something rather than just remembering.

7. Be Consistent

One of the most important things you can do to help your child is to be consistent. One of the simplest and hardest tasks a parent of an Adhd child faces is consistency. Do your best to use the same methods to handle your child’s behaviour every time. Regardless of where you are, be it in a store, or visiting, or at your child’s school, use the same tactics as you would at home. And don’t give up, Rome wasn’t built in a day!

A lot of parents think that explaining to their child why they shouldn’t continue with a certain behaviour is better than creating a ‘scene’ when in a public place. I recently had to visit a clinic, and while I was waiting my turn, I watched a 4-year-old run out the door and down the walkway. He was immediately followed by his older brother, who brought him back. As soon as the brother sat down, the little boy dashed out the door again, this time pursued by his mother. This behaviour continued for over half an hour. The mother was obviously frustrated, the father sat and did nothing, and the little boy’s behaviour irritated everyone in the waiting room.

Explaining to this child why he shouldn’t rush out the door was completely lost on him. And this is what I am trying to explain here. Your child isn’t stupid. He or she is intelligent, and generally very articulate. But simply reasoning with him will not stop the behaviour. Action speaks louder than words, especially with Adhd kids.

8. Use Foresight

Whenever you are making plans for an outing, family get-together, shopping, or dinner out, remember to go over the rules of conduct and consequences with your child. Have them repeat them back to you so you know he has heard and understands. This lessens the chances of acting out, or bad behaviour. Use frequent praise for the child’s good behaviour while you are out. This bolsters their self-esteem and reinforces the good behaviours.

9. Don’t Take It Personally

Remember, you are dealing with a behaviourally disabled child. Don’t take his bad behaviour personally. He acts out because he can’t help it, not because you are a bad parent. Try to keep your cool, and your sense of humour when dealing with problems. This can go a long way to relieving the stress and frustration of the situation. And above all, don’t hold it against him. By this I mean, don’t hold a grudge. Tomorrow is another day.

My son could have a particularly trying day, filled with arguments, confrontations, screaming matches, slamming doors and lost privileges. But when he goes to bed at night, all of that is in the past. He wakes up the next morning bright, happy, and loving. Everything that happened the day before is forgotten and forgiven. He starts each day with a clean slate, and so should you.

This doesn’t mean any consequences incurred the day before should be forgotten, but it does mean that the anger, frustration, disappointment or hurt the behaviour carried with it, should. It isn’t easy, but practice makes perfect.