Forgive me for not posting anything sooner. I have been attending college for the last year, as a Community Support Worker - Social Service.
It is a big change for me, and I am hopeful that the time I have spent furthering my education will be of use to my community. I have to say, it feels good to see some letters after my name, because now I'm not just a "Mom" who doesn't know anything. Now I am a "professional", and that carries a lot more weight when speaking with government officials.
I admit, I know a lot more than I did a year ago, and my background and experience have stood me in good stead - providing me with inside knowledge of many features of disabilities as well as a different perspective regarding treatment.
I am looking forward to my continued participation in the forum, and I invite others to share their challenges and stories, or simply be there in support of our fellow members.
Keep your chin up...it does get better!
Helping parents and adults living with ADHD, ODD, OCD and other disorders
Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ADHD. Show all posts
Friday, August 22, 2014
Friday, September 13, 2013
Back to School - Are You Prepared?
Well here we are again...back to school. For many parents, going back to school feels like a double edged sword. We are thrilled that summer is over and we can "catch a break" from 24/7 parenting, yet we dread the meetings, comments and in most cases, negative communications that we know are coming.
I always viewed the first few days of school as a holiday for me, because I knew that as soon as the classroom settled down and the rest of the children started working on their assignments, my son's lack of interest and compliance would stick out like a sore thumb and the meetings would begin.
During the first years of elementary school, (actually beginning in Kindergarten,) it became a common occurrence to be notified that my son had been suspended from class. The first suspension was a horrifying experience, as was the second. However, by the third and fourth, the horror subsided only to be replaced by other, sometimes debilitating emotions.
Unfortunately, the schools are not equipped to properly teach, guide and care for children with AD/HD - ODD. Most, (if not all now,) teacher's aides or TA's have training with developmental disabilities; Autism, Tourette Syndrome, and Asperger's to list a few. However, very little is known about AD/HD or ODD (Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder) so TA's receive little to no training with regard to these disabilities, making it almost impossible to handle these children.
This, in turn, only adds to the stress and frustration these children, and subsequently, their parents face on a daily basis. Continuing this cycle, these emotions make it difficult to communicate effectively, thereby adding more stress and frustration, making the once joyous feelings of optimism associated with a new school year wither on the vine.
There is little that can be done from a parental stand point except to make sure that your child's educators understand exactly what to expect regarding your child's behavior and trigger points. However, this isn't a fail safe approach. Many educators don't realize that the information is not simply a "concern" and hope that "in time" your child will come around to their way of teaching.
To be fair, most schools simply do not have the proper resources, and the teachers are left to wade through the turbulent waters and flash floods that behavioral disabilities can create. This will definitely separate the "wheat from the chaff" and you will very quickly see whether you have won the lottery and have a concerned, conscientious teacher who is willing to work with you.
Should you find that unfortunately you have lost the lottery, possibly for the second, third, or heaven forbid, the fourth time or more, it would be a good idea to search out a different school, as obviously your concerns have fallen on deaf ears. Finding the right school, and by "right" I mean one that will listen to what you have to say and work with you to provide the education that your child deserves, is one of the most important tasks that a parent faces - especially for those of us with special needs children, and it can't be taken lightly.
There is a saying; "Forewarned is forearmed". Make sure you have all the information you need to present to your child's educators, and in the event that your diligence is tossed aside, be prepared to search for an alternative solution, and don't stop until you find one. Once you find the answer, you will experience the peace and security that going back to school can bring.
I wish all of you "Peace and Security"...Lord knows, we all deserve it.
I always viewed the first few days of school as a holiday for me, because I knew that as soon as the classroom settled down and the rest of the children started working on their assignments, my son's lack of interest and compliance would stick out like a sore thumb and the meetings would begin.
During the first years of elementary school, (actually beginning in Kindergarten,) it became a common occurrence to be notified that my son had been suspended from class. The first suspension was a horrifying experience, as was the second. However, by the third and fourth, the horror subsided only to be replaced by other, sometimes debilitating emotions.
Unfortunately, the schools are not equipped to properly teach, guide and care for children with AD/HD - ODD. Most, (if not all now,) teacher's aides or TA's have training with developmental disabilities; Autism, Tourette Syndrome, and Asperger's to list a few. However, very little is known about AD/HD or ODD (Attention Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder and Oppositional Defiant Disorder) so TA's receive little to no training with regard to these disabilities, making it almost impossible to handle these children.
This, in turn, only adds to the stress and frustration these children, and subsequently, their parents face on a daily basis. Continuing this cycle, these emotions make it difficult to communicate effectively, thereby adding more stress and frustration, making the once joyous feelings of optimism associated with a new school year wither on the vine.
There is little that can be done from a parental stand point except to make sure that your child's educators understand exactly what to expect regarding your child's behavior and trigger points. However, this isn't a fail safe approach. Many educators don't realize that the information is not simply a "concern" and hope that "in time" your child will come around to their way of teaching.
To be fair, most schools simply do not have the proper resources, and the teachers are left to wade through the turbulent waters and flash floods that behavioral disabilities can create. This will definitely separate the "wheat from the chaff" and you will very quickly see whether you have won the lottery and have a concerned, conscientious teacher who is willing to work with you.
Should you find that unfortunately you have lost the lottery, possibly for the second, third, or heaven forbid, the fourth time or more, it would be a good idea to search out a different school, as obviously your concerns have fallen on deaf ears. Finding the right school, and by "right" I mean one that will listen to what you have to say and work with you to provide the education that your child deserves, is one of the most important tasks that a parent faces - especially for those of us with special needs children, and it can't be taken lightly.
There is a saying; "Forewarned is forearmed". Make sure you have all the information you need to present to your child's educators, and in the event that your diligence is tossed aside, be prepared to search for an alternative solution, and don't stop until you find one. Once you find the answer, you will experience the peace and security that going back to school can bring.
I wish all of you "Peace and Security"...Lord knows, we all deserve it.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Social Networking and ADHD
ADHD, or Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and ODD, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder, are not "Media Friendly" disabilities. There are few, if any, movies made about this subject, or portraying the protagonist, or supporting cast as having these disorders. There are no fund raisers, front page stories, movie star endorsements, or media coverage to bring these disabilities to the attention of John Q. Public.
The people suffering from these disorders are not generally quiet, withdrawn misunderstood individuals, rather they appear to be brash, abrasive, undisciplined, angry children/young adults who seem to delight in causing upheaval and chaos wherever they go.
This is only half the story. These children are rarely undisciplined, and their disabilities magnify 'normal' behavior to a point where 'normal' consequences or discipline appears to be ineffective. Again, this is only half the story. The only way to truly understand what these disabilities can do to an individual and their friends and family, is to live with it.
Unfortunately, if you are 'lucky' enough to have a child with these disorders, you are ostracized from normal society and relegated to the outskirts with little to no support, help or information. You feel completely alone because no one understands what you are dealing with and others view you as a poor role model and terrible parent.
This blog is attempting to change that perception through social networking. Sites like Facebook, Twitter, and others can be adopted to spread the word that support is as close as the click of a mouse. When I was immersed in the daily negative, sometimes caustic, and always stressful behaviors of my six year old, there were no support groups and very few programs designed to work with ADHD/ODD children. There was no one available to explain why my son acted the way he did, and there were no solutions either. No one seemed to understand what they were dealing with and looked to me to provide the answers. Answers? Hell, I didn't even know the questions!
However, over the years I did my own research and learned everything I could about ADHD and its attendant disorders. In short, I helped myself. It wasn't pretty, and there was a lot of trial and error, but today I am in a position to be able to help my son, and it is working. It is slow and sometimes difficult, and almost always frustrating, but it is working.
Through Facebook, Twitter and Hub Pages, I and others, are spreading the word that support and information are available for others dealing with these issues and behaviors. Everyone can write, tweet, link, or like, the content available on this blog or forum to get the word out. Let your friends and followers know about this site and spread awareness and help for anyone living with these disorders. It doesn't cost any money - just a few minutes to click a mouse, so what do you say? You can help someone else get the support and information they need simply by clicking the like, tweet/retweet or link button on your social network profile, so please, take a moment and pass it on.
Thank you!
Enelle Lamb
The people suffering from these disorders are not generally quiet, withdrawn misunderstood individuals, rather they appear to be brash, abrasive, undisciplined, angry children/young adults who seem to delight in causing upheaval and chaos wherever they go.
This is only half the story. These children are rarely undisciplined, and their disabilities magnify 'normal' behavior to a point where 'normal' consequences or discipline appears to be ineffective. Again, this is only half the story. The only way to truly understand what these disabilities can do to an individual and their friends and family, is to live with it.
Unfortunately, if you are 'lucky' enough to have a child with these disorders, you are ostracized from normal society and relegated to the outskirts with little to no support, help or information. You feel completely alone because no one understands what you are dealing with and others view you as a poor role model and terrible parent.
This blog is attempting to change that perception through social networking. Sites like Facebook, Twitter, and others can be adopted to spread the word that support is as close as the click of a mouse. When I was immersed in the daily negative, sometimes caustic, and always stressful behaviors of my six year old, there were no support groups and very few programs designed to work with ADHD/ODD children. There was no one available to explain why my son acted the way he did, and there were no solutions either. No one seemed to understand what they were dealing with and looked to me to provide the answers. Answers? Hell, I didn't even know the questions!
However, over the years I did my own research and learned everything I could about ADHD and its attendant disorders. In short, I helped myself. It wasn't pretty, and there was a lot of trial and error, but today I am in a position to be able to help my son, and it is working. It is slow and sometimes difficult, and almost always frustrating, but it is working.
Through Facebook, Twitter and Hub Pages, I and others, are spreading the word that support and information are available for others dealing with these issues and behaviors. Everyone can write, tweet, link, or like, the content available on this blog or forum to get the word out. Let your friends and followers know about this site and spread awareness and help for anyone living with these disorders. It doesn't cost any money - just a few minutes to click a mouse, so what do you say? You can help someone else get the support and information they need simply by clicking the like, tweet/retweet or link button on your social network profile, so please, take a moment and pass it on.
Thank you!
Enelle Lamb
Thursday, December 8, 2011
HubPages Comments, continued
Meet Christina, the mother of an eight year old boy with ADD, a high functioning form of Asperger's and possibly ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder.) These are her words:
My son is 8 years old, has ADD, a high functioning form of Asperger's and I think ODD. He is very intelligent, as handsome as his Daddy (who is the love of my life) and is driving us nuts. As I write this he has been doing homework for almost 4 hours. Last night was an epic 6 1/2, the same amount of time a school day lasts. It's not that he's not capable of doing the work, he manages to do it in school. I have tried everything, and I'm at my wits end. We've done the reward system, which he only managed to turn around on us by flat out refusing to do anything unless he's guaranteed getting his game system which was the reward. We've tried punishment, not allowing any TV time before homework, made sure there are no distractions, sat beside him for hours to help him, explained that if he gets his work done there will be free time to do what he wants. NOTHING works. Yet somehow he manages to do well in school. Though his teachers always talk about his focusing issues, he is performing at grade level, in a mainstream class, is two reading levels above where is expected, gets high scores on all tests, is very good at math, and can recite lessons he's been taught. Every time I walk into the school for whatever reason all I hear is "Hi Nicky!". Teachers who do not even have him in their class know who he is. Children in older grades know who he is and last year there were a group of 6th grade girls he called his "girlfriends". They were quite charmed by him. Apparently he is quite the character in school. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for a day to see it. Well behaved and well mannered I'm always told. It makes me mad and jealous that he can't show us the same respect and courtesy. We, after all, are the ones that do everything for him.
Home is another story. He's putting us through hell. My 19 year old daughter went to live with my Mother at 14 because she couldn't deal with the constant yelling, arguing and stress. It absolutely breaks my heart, as I love her dearly. She lives close by and I do see her quite often, she comes for sleepovers at our home and she and I are quite close. But I wish I had her home. She loves her brother, but gets as frustrated with him as we do. My neighbors put up with a lot as they listen to quite a bit of yelling. One has a son with ADHD so she really understands. Yet it's embarrassing as hell. This is not me. It's not the household I come from where things were quiet, and yelling just wasn't part of the program.
I have come to believe that part of his issues he is VERY much in control of. He's a devil in the morning as we get ready for school which he refers to as a "trap", but as he walks into the school yard I can literally see the transformation. He's good all day and the moment he gets out it begins to change and by the time I am pulling into my driveway it's "hello Mr. Nasty". He knows full well what he's doing. As he gets my husband and I (I am his FAVORITE target-the weakest link I guess) angrier and angrier you can almost see the twinkle in his eye. He enjoys it, which is nuts. We are not pushovers by any means, and don't let him get away with bad behavior because "he can't control it" as I've been told. BS! He likes to push our buttons, it's obvious. Our immediate family "gets it" but when you try to explain it to anyone not living with this they look at you like you have three heads. They see him as charming, witty, intelligent and oh my God do they LOVE to talk to him. "He speaks like an adult, not like a child!" If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this I'd be loaded. The cashiers in my local market are even charmed by him. None of them live with him though.
I am very involved with school and my husband has put him in Little League and Hockey (a perfect sport to release his aggression, but there Nicky acts like a wimp ) and my husband manages and coaches both teams to be involved. He himself is very athletic and the other kids and parents love his style. Nicky could be good in both, he has potential but he loves to give his Daddy a hard time. My husband has enrolled him in these sports teams to help with Nicky's social issues, which are another problem. He has befriended another boy on his hockey team with the same issues and at first we thought "Great, he's made a friend!". Well, two peas in a pod are not always the best thing when dealing with ADD. They drive my husband nuts during practice and games because they do not stop talking. It never ceases to amaze me how much he can talk, and he was delayed with his speech. He talks from the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep. It's how we know he's fallen asleep, for we no longer hear the talking.
The level of stress is through the roof, and we both feel it taking a toll on our health. We can't ever get a break from him, as no one will take him for a sleepover. Everything we do or don't do is based upon whether Nicky will be happy, well behaved and/or entertained. It ALL revolves around him. I believe that my kids come first, but we have a life too. And that my daughter has sat out on vacations and outings because of the nonsense is so unfair. I don't invite our friends over because at any moment something can erupt, and escalate because he just doesn't know when to stop, and I don't need the added embarrassment. Holidays are pretty much the only time, and he usually makes sure to give me an extra hard time then knowing that I am busy and stressed as it is. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays or any special day he likes to sabotage. If he knows you are not feeling well, he gets extra pleasure out of making you miserable.
I don't get to be a "Mommy" to him. Most of the time I'm angry, arguing, frustrated, annoyed and yelling. His childhood is flying by and it's so sad that things are this way. Once in a while (and I don't know why) he is a "normal" kid for a day. He's sweet, well behaved and I can breath again. It's cruel in a way because it lets me see how things could be. How I wish with all my heart they would be. It's a window to another life possibility, and I try to explain that to him. I try to point out that when he is like that there is no fighting or yelling, and there wouldn't be if he would act like that most of the time. But I think he gets bored with that. He likes the chaos.
We don't want to medicate him. I just don't feel these drugs have been around long enough, and who knows what effects will come to light in 10-20 years. Doctors and pharmaceutical companies just love to dispense a shot or a pill for everything nowadays. His pediatrician agreed that she is no fan of these medications either, and many others I've spoken to feel the same.
What do we do? I feel lost. Reading the other posts here have made me feel slightly better as I know we are not alone. We love our son dearly, and would do anything for him. We both believe he can be very successful someday, he has so much potential. But I also see a lot of trouble if he can't get his instigating and aggressive ways under control. His condition is a blessing in some ways (the intelligence) and a maddening situation in others. All I know is as I drive away from school after dropping him off I can feel the physical change in me. My chest loosens up, I can breathe, my head stops pounding, the stress fades and I can talk without yelling. And the reverse happens at pick-up time, I feel it all increasing because I know what will transpire. And I know homework hell is looming. It's a vicious cycle, and I go to sleep every night praying (sometimes crying) that my son will begin to ease up on some of this.
As more and more children seem to have this (there are about 6 boys in his class and I don't know how his teacher manages) the medical community and the schools need to step up their game. It takes a village to raise a child right? Something somewhere is causing this upswing and I do believe there is a remedy other than sedating them. I try to keep the faith that those questions will be answered, and a "cure" of some sort will be available someday. Til then the gray hairs keep coming faster and faster and my beauty supply store keeps making more money! LOL.
Comments from my Living With ADHD hub on HubPages
I wrote an article several years ago on HubPages, and I get at least one or two comments a day on it from parents searching for answers, suggestions and support. I have decided to post a few of the comments here, to give them more exposure, and to help other parents who might read a bit of their own story in the words.
Meet, Kristin, a mother of a seven year old boy with ADHD, sensory issues, Anxiety and possibly ODD. These are her words:
Meet, Kristin, a mother of a seven year old boy with ADHD, sensory issues, Anxiety and possibly ODD. These are her words:
Thank you so much for writing all of this, it is so nice to hear that we are not alone. I have a 7 year old, who 1 year ago was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, possible ODD, and sensory issues. LIfe with him can be so amazing, and then snap, it goes the other way so quickly. We sat on a wait list for Mental Health for 1 year and have now been going since March. It has been great, but in the same breath his behaviour when we are there is usually not too good, so it is hard for all of us to get anywhere when we are there.
It all started when he was about 2 years old, and after raising one 2 year old already ( he is now 9 and a awesome mellow, laid back boy), I knew that something wan't quite right. He was very hands one, acting out, could never sit still, the whole nine yards. Once he started school (kindergarten), it got worse, he struggled socially, has no idea how to make friends, keep friends etc., was finally designated with H designation which is a behaviour designation through the school, which did get hid a EA in the classroom. He couldn't concentrate on school, had to sit on certain chairs, couldn't fininsh school work, mouthed people off and swears like a trucker! That summer once school was finished we (my husband and I), went to our family doctor and finally got our family doctor to give the ADHD diagnosis and put him on meds (biphentin). We struggled with the Biphentin, it didn't work, kept upping it and then did a top up at 3pm of ritalin, nothing lasted very long for him. He started grade 1 and was doing a bit better, still had his EA, went to reading recovery, had alot of support in the classroom, but still was getting in trouble. Got calls from the principals office on more than a few occasions, he got sent home from throwing rocks at all the cars that were driving past the school. Then towards the end of grade one we finally got in Mental Heath, they changed his meds to conerta, kept having to up it as it would only last till about 2pm, he is now on 54mg of concerta, and is lasting most of the day.
We are still struggling though, he can very abusive, more to me and his brother, than dad (who was in denial for the longest time, but has now come around). He has hit me, punched me, pushed me down the stairs, I have gone to our appts. at mental health with bruises. He also calls us all the names in the book, and heaven for bid we wanted to go out and do anything as a family, because it always gets destroyed by his behaviour.
So far in grade 2, he has been holding it together while at school, until last week when all wheels kind of fell of. He refused to take his meds in the am, warned the teacher and told them to call us if needed. Of course, we got that call, he was being sent home for threatening kids in the class with scissors- wanting to cut their hair, tried pulling down someones pant etc., the school wanted to call family services because of all of this, but didn't once they were properly informed about Connor and his actions on a regular basis. He got everything taken away form him, all his electronics etc., and he didn't care, we could take everything away and leave him with a pillow and blanket and he wouldn't care on bit, it so frustrating.
We have been judged by parents by other parents at the school, his older brother doesn't want to have anything to do with him most of time, and even one set of grandparents until recently thought that we just needed to parent him differently and be more strict!
I feel as a parent that I am always walking on egg shells, waiting for the next one to crack, because I know that it will sooner than later! My husband works night shifts 2 nights out of 6, and that can be really stressful with me, as Connor will push every button on me, refuse to do everything for me, it is his way or the highway. He never falls asleep before 10/10:30 at night, have tried melatonin, and it doesn't do anything for him!
I keep thinking that it sucks, and why did I get a child like this, but then I look in his eyes and my heart just melts, because I think if I am feeling this way, what goes on in his little head, as he always down on himself (lacks self esteem).
Everyday is a challenge, I never know what we are going to wake up to, the prince I know he can be or the devil that comes out so quick!
It is so nice to read everyone's posts and to know that we are not alone!
Thank you all, especially you Enelle for sharing your stories!
Krisitn
Monday, February 21, 2011
Additional Resources
Hi again! I know it's been a while since I have posted, so I want to make it up to you by giving you more resources to help with your "behavioral" child/children. I know this might sound like I'm jumping the gun by saying that, but as I have my own "behavioral" child to raise, I know I need as many resources as possible!
Some good news (I think!) My son's school has informed me that there is a program available for him for next year instead of attending a regular grade 9 class. Hallelujah!!! I have been very concerned that he will get eaten alive when he starts high school, or worse, booted out before spring break!
There are only so many things we, as parents, can do to help our kids once they hit school, so I was very pleased that there is an alternate solution for my son's needs.
Don't get me wrong, my son is very bright. But he is also very bored! He really hates school (not that I blame him, I didn't like it much either, and I'm sure most of you felt the same way,) but unfortunately, he doesn't have a choice, which in turn makes my life harder. I'm sure many of you have been, or soon will be in my shoes.
I am always on the look-out for more resource material and books that can help with my son's behaviors. I have found some that I didn't see on my last trip to my library, so I decided I should add them to the site so others could make use of them too. Hopefully there is something here that can help you as well.
Some good news (I think!) My son's school has informed me that there is a program available for him for next year instead of attending a regular grade 9 class. Hallelujah!!! I have been very concerned that he will get eaten alive when he starts high school, or worse, booted out before spring break!
There are only so many things we, as parents, can do to help our kids once they hit school, so I was very pleased that there is an alternate solution for my son's needs.
Don't get me wrong, my son is very bright. But he is also very bored! He really hates school (not that I blame him, I didn't like it much either, and I'm sure most of you felt the same way,) but unfortunately, he doesn't have a choice, which in turn makes my life harder. I'm sure many of you have been, or soon will be in my shoes.
I am always on the look-out for more resource material and books that can help with my son's behaviors. I have found some that I didn't see on my last trip to my library, so I decided I should add them to the site so others could make use of them too. Hopefully there is something here that can help you as well.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Singleparentitis and ADHD
When my son first started exhibiting behaviours that weren't considered to be in the 'normal' growth range, I was encouraged to seek outside help regarding parenting. I immediately found a parenting course for ADHD/ADD/Difficult Children and as my son fit the 'Difficult Children' category, I signed up for the six week course. During the six weeks, we documented behaviour, applied strategies and posted the results. We had homework every week, and our spouses were also given tasks to complete. Many of the parents took turns regarding homework, however, there were some of us who could not engage our partners to help. I was one of the people in the latter category.
My husband (at the time) decided that he couldn't give any of his time to learning about our son's challenges, opting instead to have me learn everything and pass it along to him. This wasn't the solution I was looking for, but had little choice except to go along with his decision. After I had completed the course, I realized that there was a lot more to it than simply passing along information, so I signed him up for the next six week course.
He didn't attend one class.
Shortly after that, I made the decision to move my son and myself, and go live with my daughter. After making that move, I had to deal with the fall out from the decision, which made our life much more difficult, something, I'm sure, many of you have experienced.
Singleparentitis is not regulated to only families with ADHD children, unfortunately though, the statistics for this possibility are much higher when one or more children of the marriage have a disability, simply because of the added stress.
Of course, there are many factors that need to be present before the onset of Singleparentitis, and not all the symptoms are the same for everyone. However, if you are suffering from Singleparentitis, there are some things that you can do to help aleviate some of the symptoms.
First and foremost, you need support! There are several avenues you can pursue, one being a local chapter of C.H.A.D.D., both in the U.S. and Canada, your local Mental Health facility should also have listings for parent groups, or you could check with your doctor for any support groups in your area.
Give yourself some "me" time. Find something you enjoy doing and set aside some time at least once a week. I know it is difficult, but if you don't recharge your batteries you won't be able to deal with the day to day challenges and the stress will overwhelm you.
Whatever you do, don't lock yourself away and suffer in silence. You need to vent, relax, talk with people who are dealing with the same challenges, or simply get away from it all for a couple of hours. If you find that difficult, you might want to look into some respite care. This will allow you the time to unwind and recharge, something that is very necessary for your mental and physical health.
Above all, don't lose hope! Singleparentitis isn't permanent, it just feels like it some days!
My husband (at the time) decided that he couldn't give any of his time to learning about our son's challenges, opting instead to have me learn everything and pass it along to him. This wasn't the solution I was looking for, but had little choice except to go along with his decision. After I had completed the course, I realized that there was a lot more to it than simply passing along information, so I signed him up for the next six week course.
He didn't attend one class.
Shortly after that, I made the decision to move my son and myself, and go live with my daughter. After making that move, I had to deal with the fall out from the decision, which made our life much more difficult, something, I'm sure, many of you have experienced.
Singleparentitis is not regulated to only families with ADHD children, unfortunately though, the statistics for this possibility are much higher when one or more children of the marriage have a disability, simply because of the added stress.
Of course, there are many factors that need to be present before the onset of Singleparentitis, and not all the symptoms are the same for everyone. However, if you are suffering from Singleparentitis, there are some things that you can do to help aleviate some of the symptoms.
First and foremost, you need support! There are several avenues you can pursue, one being a local chapter of C.H.A.D.D., both in the U.S. and Canada, your local Mental Health facility should also have listings for parent groups, or you could check with your doctor for any support groups in your area.
Give yourself some "me" time. Find something you enjoy doing and set aside some time at least once a week. I know it is difficult, but if you don't recharge your batteries you won't be able to deal with the day to day challenges and the stress will overwhelm you.
Whatever you do, don't lock yourself away and suffer in silence. You need to vent, relax, talk with people who are dealing with the same challenges, or simply get away from it all for a couple of hours. If you find that difficult, you might want to look into some respite care. This will allow you the time to unwind and recharge, something that is very necessary for your mental and physical health.
Above all, don't lose hope! Singleparentitis isn't permanent, it just feels like it some days!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
On a Personal Note
It has been a while since I have written anything personal, as I have been concentrating on making sure my readers had as much up to date information and support as I could find. So today, I'm going to play catch up.
For those of you who have been following my blog, you already know about my son. However, for the new readers out there who have (hopefully) stumbled onto my page, I am a single mother of a (now) 13 year old boy who has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. Quite a mouthful, and to be honest, quite a lot to deal with some days.
After my son had such a dismal grade 6 year, I decided to move to Maple Ridge, where, I had heard, there was more in school support. I must say, the professionals who have been seeing my son for the past 9 months have been amazing! What a change from his last school.
Unfortunately, he is in the last month of his last elementary year. Next year, he is slated to attend Junior High - something that neither of us are prepared for.
However, we have been spared that particular dilemma, by once again moving - I know, I know, but each move has been less traumatic and to better neighbourhoods and schools, so the upheaval can be weighed against the yearly improvements I have been seeing in my son.
This particular location (Langley) has a wonderful support system for kids like mine, and even better, a middle school. The perfect solution to ease my son into Junior High. I have been in touch with the school, and they in turn, have been in touch with the principal of my son's present school, so hopefully everything will be in place before he starts grade 8 - God willing and the creeks don't rise!
I will keep you posted on his progress...
For those of you who have been following my blog, you already know about my son. However, for the new readers out there who have (hopefully) stumbled onto my page, I am a single mother of a (now) 13 year old boy who has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. Quite a mouthful, and to be honest, quite a lot to deal with some days.
After my son had such a dismal grade 6 year, I decided to move to Maple Ridge, where, I had heard, there was more in school support. I must say, the professionals who have been seeing my son for the past 9 months have been amazing! What a change from his last school.
Unfortunately, he is in the last month of his last elementary year. Next year, he is slated to attend Junior High - something that neither of us are prepared for.
However, we have been spared that particular dilemma, by once again moving - I know, I know, but each move has been less traumatic and to better neighbourhoods and schools, so the upheaval can be weighed against the yearly improvements I have been seeing in my son.
This particular location (Langley) has a wonderful support system for kids like mine, and even better, a middle school. The perfect solution to ease my son into Junior High. I have been in touch with the school, and they in turn, have been in touch with the principal of my son's present school, so hopefully everything will be in place before he starts grade 8 - God willing and the creeks don't rise!
I will keep you posted on his progress...
Monday, March 15, 2010
More ADHD Information Links
As promised, here are more information links for ADHD and its attendant disabilities. What information we have on this and other related disorders is growing daily, due to research and parental stories.
Some of these sites may seem familiar in their content, however, sometimes it is just a matter of connecting or the rewording of info that helps us to find the solutions we are been searching for.
This list of articles outline different approaches to treatment, as well as help for parents.
Articles
My ADHD/ODD/OCD Son Refuses to Respond to Discipline, and Consequences Don't Mean Anything - Please Help Me!
If I had been told that I would be the mother of a wonderful, smart, handsome boy, I would have been thrilled and excited with my new role.
If I had been told that this same wonderful, smart, handsome boy would also have ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I would have run screaming for the hills!
ADHD Alternative Treatments: Physical Exercise
Everybody knows that exercise is good for our bodies, but did you know that it is also good for our minds? Recent studies have found that regular exercise can play a significant role in relieving the symptoms of ADHD, and many doctors now consider regular exercise to be an important part of any alternative treatment program for ADHD.
Help for Parents of ADHD Children
For most children attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a behavioral disorder that tends to lead children to act without thinking. Approximately 8 to 10 percent of school-aged children are affected by ADHD, and it typically affects boys more than girls. Typically, the parent, school, or day-care provider notices behaviors that are linked to ADHD such as:
Adult ADHD
ADHD in adults is a serious condition. Many people do not realize that adults can suffer from this disorder because they think people with ADHD have to be loud, hyperactive, tons of energy, impulsive people. However, the fact is that this is not just something kids suffer from, in fact, it is not like kids that have ADHD just grow out of it. This is not just a phase, and often times the symptoms of ADHD get worse in adults than it was for kids.
ADHD Alternative Treatments: Sleep
Everybody knows that a bad night's sleep is likely to leave you moody, irritable, and bouncing between exhaustion and hyperactivity the next day. What is less well known is the fact that many of the symptoms of sleep deprivation are very similar to the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
ADHD Alternative Treatments: Nature Therapy
There are a number of natural and behavioral treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
One treatment that has been receiving a lot of attention in recent years is "nature therapy." Nature therapy is simply the use of natural settings and outdoor activities in treating a variety of mental disorders, including ADHD and ADD.
ADD/ADHD & Drug Free Treatment Options
When having a discussion about ADHD or ADD treatment, its important to understand what defines these ailments. Living with ADD means that your brain can't correctly control attention, making it hard to resist impulses and complete monotonous tasks. About one quarter of children with ADD, or attention deficit disorder, also have restlessness leading to ADHD. Even a seemingly calm child can still be diagnosed with attention deficit issues.
Adult ADHD (a different article from the previous link)
Many only associate ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) with children, but did you know that a large percentage of individuals who experience symptoms as a child will find that they are carried well into adulthood? Sometimes even while their old symptoms start to decline, new symptoms will begin to appear that are primarily dominant in adult ADHD.
ADHD Medication Guide
In general, side effects of the stimulants most commonly found in ADHD drugs can include a decreased appetite, headaches, stomachaches, trouble getting to sleep, jitteriness, and social withdrawal. Other side effects which may be an early indicator that the dosage is too high (or that the individual is overly-sensitive to the medicine) include becoming overly focused or even appearing to be more dull/sedative than usual.
Some of these sites may seem familiar in their content, however, sometimes it is just a matter of connecting or the rewording of info that helps us to find the solutions we are been searching for.
This list of articles outline different approaches to treatment, as well as help for parents.
Articles
My ADHD/ODD/OCD Son Refuses to Respond to Discipline, and Consequences Don't Mean Anything - Please Help Me!
If I had been told that I would be the mother of a wonderful, smart, handsome boy, I would have been thrilled and excited with my new role.
If I had been told that this same wonderful, smart, handsome boy would also have ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I would have run screaming for the hills!
ADHD Alternative Treatments: Physical Exercise
Everybody knows that exercise is good for our bodies, but did you know that it is also good for our minds? Recent studies have found that regular exercise can play a significant role in relieving the symptoms of ADHD, and many doctors now consider regular exercise to be an important part of any alternative treatment program for ADHD.
Help for Parents of ADHD Children
For most children attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a behavioral disorder that tends to lead children to act without thinking. Approximately 8 to 10 percent of school-aged children are affected by ADHD, and it typically affects boys more than girls. Typically, the parent, school, or day-care provider notices behaviors that are linked to ADHD such as:
Adult ADHD
ADHD in adults is a serious condition. Many people do not realize that adults can suffer from this disorder because they think people with ADHD have to be loud, hyperactive, tons of energy, impulsive people. However, the fact is that this is not just something kids suffer from, in fact, it is not like kids that have ADHD just grow out of it. This is not just a phase, and often times the symptoms of ADHD get worse in adults than it was for kids.
ADHD Alternative Treatments: Sleep
Everybody knows that a bad night's sleep is likely to leave you moody, irritable, and bouncing between exhaustion and hyperactivity the next day. What is less well known is the fact that many of the symptoms of sleep deprivation are very similar to the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
ADHD Alternative Treatments: Nature Therapy
There are a number of natural and behavioral treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
One treatment that has been receiving a lot of attention in recent years is "nature therapy." Nature therapy is simply the use of natural settings and outdoor activities in treating a variety of mental disorders, including ADHD and ADD.
ADD/ADHD & Drug Free Treatment Options
When having a discussion about ADHD or ADD treatment, its important to understand what defines these ailments. Living with ADD means that your brain can't correctly control attention, making it hard to resist impulses and complete monotonous tasks. About one quarter of children with ADD, or attention deficit disorder, also have restlessness leading to ADHD. Even a seemingly calm child can still be diagnosed with attention deficit issues.
Adult ADHD (a different article from the previous link)
Many only associate ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) with children, but did you know that a large percentage of individuals who experience symptoms as a child will find that they are carried well into adulthood? Sometimes even while their old symptoms start to decline, new symptoms will begin to appear that are primarily dominant in adult ADHD.
ADHD Medication Guide
In general, side effects of the stimulants most commonly found in ADHD drugs can include a decreased appetite, headaches, stomachaches, trouble getting to sleep, jitteriness, and social withdrawal. Other side effects which may be an early indicator that the dosage is too high (or that the individual is overly-sensitive to the medicine) include becoming overly focused or even appearing to be more dull/sedative than usual.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
ADHD and Siblings
Recently, I was asked by a reader to post an article about ADHD and siblings. Every parent with more than one offspring is well aware of sibling rivalry, but when one or more of your children has a disorder such as ADHD, (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) ADD, (Attention Deficit Disorder) ODD, (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) OCD, (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Aspergers, or PTSD, (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) to name a few, the resulting upsets can create intense feelings of dislike, parental favoritism, and loss of empathy with the affected sibling.
This does not mean that your "normal" child doesn't love his sibling. It just means the child has reached his limit regarding the sibling's behaviors. It is difficult enough for an adult to deal with the behaviors, let alone a child. Adults can, with help, distinguish between normal, age related developmental behaviors, and those that accompany a disability. Children, on the other hand, have enough of a challenge handling their own developmental stages, never mind trying to figure out why a sibling's behavior is 'over the top' and unpredictable.
These feelings are not limited to younger children, and can present themselves in pre-teens and teenagers as well. On a personal note, my daughter was eighteen when she came to live with my son and I, having previously moved to live with her father to finish her schooling in a different district. As her brother's behaviors became harder to handle, she reacted by distancing herself from him, to the point where she refused to have anything to do with his care and attention.
I share this information with you to illustrate just one of many reactions siblings can have to continuous, intense behaviors. Unfortunately, when these events were taking place, I was overwhelmed, with little to no support, and had no knowledge of what was happening and why. I felt like a referee of a title bout between two heavyweight boxers!
Needless to say, every family member is affected by the behaviors of a child with ADHD/ODD (or any of the others listed above,) but none more so than the child's siblings. As parents, we need to provide them with a safe, loving, understanding environment which is sometimes easier said than done.
Understanding the disability helps to a certain degree, as does having someone other than a family member to talk to. (It is a good idea for all family members to learn about the disability!) Scheduling some one-on-one or alone time for the siblings also helps them to 'recharge' and de-stress. They need to be reassured that you are doing your best to meet their needs and not simply expecting them to cope without your support and guidance.
Setting firm and consistent boundaries regarding their privacy and personal possessions will also go a long way to helping them deal with the actions of the ADHD/ODD child. Try not to place any responsibility on the siblings for the care and attention (ie: babysitting) of the ADHD/ODD child, as this will likely cause stress, avoidance and resentment.
As the ADHD/ODD child matures, many of the behaviors you are presently dealing with will abate or change, depending on the developmental stage the child is going through. However, until that happens, you still need the right information to help you deal with the present situation.
One way to get that information, is to check out the books I have listed on this blog, another is to speak to your Community Services counselor. They should be able to provide information on available programs, support services and family counseling. The more informed you are, the better you can provide the support your children need.
This does not mean that your "normal" child doesn't love his sibling. It just means the child has reached his limit regarding the sibling's behaviors. It is difficult enough for an adult to deal with the behaviors, let alone a child. Adults can, with help, distinguish between normal, age related developmental behaviors, and those that accompany a disability. Children, on the other hand, have enough of a challenge handling their own developmental stages, never mind trying to figure out why a sibling's behavior is 'over the top' and unpredictable.
These feelings are not limited to younger children, and can present themselves in pre-teens and teenagers as well. On a personal note, my daughter was eighteen when she came to live with my son and I, having previously moved to live with her father to finish her schooling in a different district. As her brother's behaviors became harder to handle, she reacted by distancing herself from him, to the point where she refused to have anything to do with his care and attention.
I share this information with you to illustrate just one of many reactions siblings can have to continuous, intense behaviors. Unfortunately, when these events were taking place, I was overwhelmed, with little to no support, and had no knowledge of what was happening and why. I felt like a referee of a title bout between two heavyweight boxers!
Needless to say, every family member is affected by the behaviors of a child with ADHD/ODD (or any of the others listed above,) but none more so than the child's siblings. As parents, we need to provide them with a safe, loving, understanding environment which is sometimes easier said than done.
Understanding the disability helps to a certain degree, as does having someone other than a family member to talk to. (It is a good idea for all family members to learn about the disability!) Scheduling some one-on-one or alone time for the siblings also helps them to 'recharge' and de-stress. They need to be reassured that you are doing your best to meet their needs and not simply expecting them to cope without your support and guidance.
Setting firm and consistent boundaries regarding their privacy and personal possessions will also go a long way to helping them deal with the actions of the ADHD/ODD child. Try not to place any responsibility on the siblings for the care and attention (ie: babysitting) of the ADHD/ODD child, as this will likely cause stress, avoidance and resentment.
As the ADHD/ODD child matures, many of the behaviors you are presently dealing with will abate or change, depending on the developmental stage the child is going through. However, until that happens, you still need the right information to help you deal with the present situation.
One way to get that information, is to check out the books I have listed on this blog, another is to speak to your Community Services counselor. They should be able to provide information on available programs, support services and family counseling. The more informed you are, the better you can provide the support your children need.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Education 101
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. As you might have gathered from reading my posts, I have a son who has been diagnosed ADHD/ODD, with Anxiety Disorder, and some Post Traumatic Stress.
What I did not know, or even contemplate was the fact that he also might have an underlying Learning Disability as well.
After speaking with a representative from the Learning Disability Association of Canada (there is also an American Association) I discovered that it is quite common for children diagnosed with this disorder, and others associated with it, to have an undiagnosed learning disability as well.
Most schools know very little about ADHD/ODD, and are reluctant to take advice from 'irate parents', so if you are serious about getting the help your child needs, there are steps you can take that could possibly assist.
First, you need to have your child designated with your school. This allows for an aide to be assigned to help with his or her education needs.
If you are experiencing problems at school, it might be wise to have your child evaluated academically, using a psycho-educational assessment. Don't take anything for granted. Professionals don't always disclose the necessary resources available to you, or all the steps needed to find the answers you require. It has taken years and a lot of digging for me to unearth the processes to ensure my son gets the best possible support and education.
I thought the school I chose for my son was perfect, and that they were dedicated to helping him be successful, which they were. However, administrations change, as do staff, so you need to be well versed with the policies of the present administration, as well as the school board.
Being unfamiliar with I.E.P.s (Individual Education Plans)and I.B.P.s, (Individual Behaviour Plans) I was more than willing to go along with our school, as they accepted my suggestions, implementing them in the classroom, along with a series of steps to help my son de-stress, with the ultimate goal of full integration in the class.
As they were successful for 2 years, I was happy to stay in an advisory, when necessary, capacity. I left the writing of the I.E.Ps and I.B.Ps in the hands of the professionals, content that was one area I didn't have to worry about.
However, as I mentioned earlier, things are subject to change, and it became necessary for me to learn about Behavioural and Educational Plans, and the proper way to construct them.
The plans need to set clear, concise goals that have specified time limits, show what methods will be used to achieve them, and who is responsible for implementing them. This way, when the time limit is reached, you can evaluate the child's progress, see what methods have been successful, and make any necessary changes to reach the objectives set forth in the plan.
The time limits should be long enough to obtain the goal, yet short enough to allow assessment of not only the child's progress, but his or her performance levels.
These plans not only assesses academic achievement, but incorporates their physical and mental health as well. Without a total picture, you could be missing a vital step to ensuring your child's success.
You can get all the relevant information and more from the Learning Disability Association website in your area. If you are unsure how to contact them, just google "Learning Disability of Canada/America".
This resource can be your best friend when it comes to advocating for your child. If ever there was a one-stop-shopping center, this is it. I know I have benefited from speaking with them, and what helps me, ultimately helps my son.
What I did not know, or even contemplate was the fact that he also might have an underlying Learning Disability as well.
After speaking with a representative from the Learning Disability Association of Canada (there is also an American Association) I discovered that it is quite common for children diagnosed with this disorder, and others associated with it, to have an undiagnosed learning disability as well.
Most schools know very little about ADHD/ODD, and are reluctant to take advice from 'irate parents', so if you are serious about getting the help your child needs, there are steps you can take that could possibly assist.
First, you need to have your child designated with your school. This allows for an aide to be assigned to help with his or her education needs.
If you are experiencing problems at school, it might be wise to have your child evaluated academically, using a psycho-educational assessment. Don't take anything for granted. Professionals don't always disclose the necessary resources available to you, or all the steps needed to find the answers you require. It has taken years and a lot of digging for me to unearth the processes to ensure my son gets the best possible support and education.
I thought the school I chose for my son was perfect, and that they were dedicated to helping him be successful, which they were. However, administrations change, as do staff, so you need to be well versed with the policies of the present administration, as well as the school board.
Being unfamiliar with I.E.P.s (Individual Education Plans)and I.B.P.s, (Individual Behaviour Plans) I was more than willing to go along with our school, as they accepted my suggestions, implementing them in the classroom, along with a series of steps to help my son de-stress, with the ultimate goal of full integration in the class.
As they were successful for 2 years, I was happy to stay in an advisory, when necessary, capacity. I left the writing of the I.E.Ps and I.B.Ps in the hands of the professionals, content that was one area I didn't have to worry about.
However, as I mentioned earlier, things are subject to change, and it became necessary for me to learn about Behavioural and Educational Plans, and the proper way to construct them.
The plans need to set clear, concise goals that have specified time limits, show what methods will be used to achieve them, and who is responsible for implementing them. This way, when the time limit is reached, you can evaluate the child's progress, see what methods have been successful, and make any necessary changes to reach the objectives set forth in the plan.
The time limits should be long enough to obtain the goal, yet short enough to allow assessment of not only the child's progress, but his or her performance levels.
These plans not only assesses academic achievement, but incorporates their physical and mental health as well. Without a total picture, you could be missing a vital step to ensuring your child's success.
You can get all the relevant information and more from the Learning Disability Association website in your area. If you are unsure how to contact them, just google "Learning Disability of Canada/America".
This resource can be your best friend when it comes to advocating for your child. If ever there was a one-stop-shopping center, this is it. I know I have benefited from speaking with them, and what helps me, ultimately helps my son.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Practical Guidelines for Raising a Child with Adhd
1. Give Your Child Instant Reaction and Consequences More Often
When your child is faced with a job they find boring, tedious or unrewarding, you can guarantee they will find something else to do. If you want them to stay on task, then you will have to find a way to make it more interesting, or rewarding. Positive feedback, coupled with a reward system such as tokens, extra privileges or earning points etc, and mild negative consequences for straying off task are all ways to help keep your child stay focused. Also, if you are trying to change negative behaviours, you must give quick rewards and prompt feedback for good behaviour. Instead of looking for bad behaviour, start seeking out times when your child is behaving well, and give immediate praise.
2. Give Your Child Frequent Response
As mentioned in number 1, immediate feedback can be very helpful, even when given occasionally, but when you give it often, the results are much more beneficial. This doesn’t mean you should run around after your child, finding things to praise him for, no one has time for that. What you can do is instead of waiting until your child has finished his homework or cleaning his room, is to give him some praise and encouragement for what he has accomplished now. Because as you well know, sometimes the completion of a chore can take longer, and is most times accompanied by at least one argument. The more often you encourage your child with positive feedback, the more often he will stay on task.
3. Use Bigger and More Potent Consequences
Being the parent of an Adhd/Odd child, I have had to raise the bar with regard to punishments and consequences. What works for most kids, won’t work for children with this disability. I know there is a school of thought that says we shouldn’t ‘materially’ reward our kids too often because this could replace their feelings of accomplishment and desire to please. But these basic rewards aren’t enough to motivate or stop an Adhd child from inappropriate behaviours. Therefore it is important that more physical attention, like hugs, special snacks or treats, or even small toys and special privileges be considered to induce your child to do chores, homework, follow rules or behave well. (We used to call it bribery, but I find it works well.)
4. Use Incentives More, Punishment, Less
When children misbehave or do something wrong, it is common for their parents to serve up a punishment. However, when you have a child with Adhd who is much more likely to misbehave or act out, this could translate into an abnormal amount of negative reinforcement because they are consistently being punished. This can lead to a build up of resentments on both sides, and cause your child to become more hostile, or avoid you altogether.
Professionals stress “Positives before negatives.” How you do that is simple. When you want to change a negative behaviour with a positive one, such as playing well with siblings, simply watch for times when that behaviour happens naturally, and praise your child. The more often you do this, you will notice, the more often it occurs. However, before you begin to reprimand the opposite behaviour, make sure you have been consistently rewarding the good behaviour for at least a week or longer. A good ratio to keep in mind is 1 to 3. One punishment for every three accounts of praise or rewards. You have to pick your battles. By this, I mean you can’t punish your child for everything when you are trying to change a particular behaviour. You have to be consistent with praise and rewards, and place less emphasis on the punishments. Reward systems are a viable tool to help with this.
5. Segment Chores and Countdown for Transitions
You might have noticed that your child has difficulty completing complex chores like cleaning his room and has trouble shifting from an enjoyable activity to one that is tedious or just plain not fun. Because an Adhd child is focused in the ‘now’, they have a poor concept of ‘later’. By this, I mean they don’t have the same sense of time as other kids. They cannot comprehend the demands that involve timelines, or future results. An hour to them is the same as 5 minutes to us. If you want your child to complete a task in a certain amount of time, the best way to achieve that is have a clock or egg timer set for the desired time limit, and put it where they can see it. The downside to this is you have to keep bring it to their attention for it to work. Some parents use a recording that counts down the time in 5, 10 and 15-minute increments. I use that method vocally.
In order to get your child to finish a complex chore, like cleaning their rooms, the best way to accomplish this is to segment the chore. In other words, break it up into smaller pieces. Instead of having them ‘clean their rooms’, start with having them put their books in the bookcase, or put away all of their Lego. When that is completed, have them put their clothes away, etc. This will help them to keep their focus. The same method can be used to get the child to work on school assignments that require considerable research over a long period of time.
When it becomes necessary to shift their focus from an activity they enjoy to something like eating supper, or getting ready for bed, a good way to do this with a minimum of fuss is to give a verbal reminder, so they are prepared for the transition. Let them know that supper will be ready in a half hour, then again in 15 minutes, and so on. Then when you instruct them to wash up, they are prepared to stop what they are doing and switch gears. This method can be used for everything from getting ready for school, to bath time or being on time for doctor’s appointments.
6. Make Sure They Know the Rules
Adhd children have troubles with their memory. Specifically, the area of the memory, or the ability, to keep an objective forefront in their thoughts, such as retaining data needed to complete a task correctly. Something I have found particularly helpful is to write down important information, as you would important phone numbers in case of an emergency. The same principal applies here.
If your child has trouble with homework, write out a checklist of the steps from start to finish and place it on the table. This way when they start to go off-task, you can remind them to check the card to see what step they are currently working on. Or if your child has a problem playing nicely with others, or his behaviour goes over the top when someone comes over, write down the behaviours or rules that you want them to remember, and have them review the list before playing with friends, or visitors arrive.
An excellent way to reinforce this list of rules is to offer an incentive upon successful completion or remembering and following the guidelines. Whenever possible, have your child use a hands-on, physical approach to remember things. Most Adhd kids respond better when they can see and or touch something rather than just remembering.
7. Be Consistent
One of the most important things you can do to help your child is to be consistent. One of the simplest and hardest tasks a parent of an Adhd child faces is consistency. Do your best to use the same methods to handle your child’s behaviour every time. Regardless of where you are, be it in a store, or visiting, or at your child’s school, use the same tactics as you would at home. And don’t give up, Rome wasn’t built in a day!
A lot of parents think that explaining to their child why they shouldn’t continue with a certain behaviour is better than creating a ‘scene’ when in a public place. I recently had to visit a clinic, and while I was waiting my turn, I watched a 4-year-old run out the door and down the walkway. He was immediately followed by his older brother, who brought him back. As soon as the brother sat down, the little boy dashed out the door again, this time pursued by his mother. This behaviour continued for over half an hour. The mother was obviously frustrated, the father sat and did nothing, and the little boy’s behaviour irritated everyone in the waiting room.
Explaining to this child why he shouldn’t rush out the door was completely lost on him. And this is what I am trying to explain here. Your child isn’t stupid. He or she is intelligent, and generally very articulate. But simply reasoning with him will not stop the behaviour. Action speaks louder than words, especially with Adhd kids.
8. Use Foresight
Whenever you are making plans for an outing, family get-together, shopping, or dinner out, remember to go over the rules of conduct and consequences with your child. Have them repeat them back to you so you know he has heard and understands. This lessens the chances of acting out, or bad behaviour. Use frequent praise for the child’s good behaviour while you are out. This bolsters their self-esteem and reinforces the good behaviours.
9. Don’t Take It Personally
Remember, you are dealing with a behaviourally disabled child. Don’t take his bad behaviour personally. He acts out because he can’t help it, not because you are a bad parent. Try to keep your cool, and your sense of humour when dealing with problems. This can go a long way to relieving the stress and frustration of the situation. And above all, don’t hold it against him. By this I mean, don’t hold a grudge. Tomorrow is another day.
My son could have a particularly trying day, filled with arguments, confrontations, screaming matches, slamming doors and lost privileges. But when he goes to bed at night, all of that is in the past. He wakes up the next morning bright, happy, and loving. Everything that happened the day before is forgotten and forgiven. He starts each day with a clean slate, and so should you.
This doesn’t mean any consequences incurred the day before should be forgotten, but it does mean that the anger, frustration, disappointment or hurt the behaviour carried with it, should. It isn’t easy, but practice makes perfect.
When your child is faced with a job they find boring, tedious or unrewarding, you can guarantee they will find something else to do. If you want them to stay on task, then you will have to find a way to make it more interesting, or rewarding. Positive feedback, coupled with a reward system such as tokens, extra privileges or earning points etc, and mild negative consequences for straying off task are all ways to help keep your child stay focused. Also, if you are trying to change negative behaviours, you must give quick rewards and prompt feedback for good behaviour. Instead of looking for bad behaviour, start seeking out times when your child is behaving well, and give immediate praise.
2. Give Your Child Frequent Response
As mentioned in number 1, immediate feedback can be very helpful, even when given occasionally, but when you give it often, the results are much more beneficial. This doesn’t mean you should run around after your child, finding things to praise him for, no one has time for that. What you can do is instead of waiting until your child has finished his homework or cleaning his room, is to give him some praise and encouragement for what he has accomplished now. Because as you well know, sometimes the completion of a chore can take longer, and is most times accompanied by at least one argument. The more often you encourage your child with positive feedback, the more often he will stay on task.
3. Use Bigger and More Potent Consequences
Being the parent of an Adhd/Odd child, I have had to raise the bar with regard to punishments and consequences. What works for most kids, won’t work for children with this disability. I know there is a school of thought that says we shouldn’t ‘materially’ reward our kids too often because this could replace their feelings of accomplishment and desire to please. But these basic rewards aren’t enough to motivate or stop an Adhd child from inappropriate behaviours. Therefore it is important that more physical attention, like hugs, special snacks or treats, or even small toys and special privileges be considered to induce your child to do chores, homework, follow rules or behave well. (We used to call it bribery, but I find it works well.)
4. Use Incentives More, Punishment, Less
When children misbehave or do something wrong, it is common for their parents to serve up a punishment. However, when you have a child with Adhd who is much more likely to misbehave or act out, this could translate into an abnormal amount of negative reinforcement because they are consistently being punished. This can lead to a build up of resentments on both sides, and cause your child to become more hostile, or avoid you altogether.
Professionals stress “Positives before negatives.” How you do that is simple. When you want to change a negative behaviour with a positive one, such as playing well with siblings, simply watch for times when that behaviour happens naturally, and praise your child. The more often you do this, you will notice, the more often it occurs. However, before you begin to reprimand the opposite behaviour, make sure you have been consistently rewarding the good behaviour for at least a week or longer. A good ratio to keep in mind is 1 to 3. One punishment for every three accounts of praise or rewards. You have to pick your battles. By this, I mean you can’t punish your child for everything when you are trying to change a particular behaviour. You have to be consistent with praise and rewards, and place less emphasis on the punishments. Reward systems are a viable tool to help with this.
5. Segment Chores and Countdown for Transitions
You might have noticed that your child has difficulty completing complex chores like cleaning his room and has trouble shifting from an enjoyable activity to one that is tedious or just plain not fun. Because an Adhd child is focused in the ‘now’, they have a poor concept of ‘later’. By this, I mean they don’t have the same sense of time as other kids. They cannot comprehend the demands that involve timelines, or future results. An hour to them is the same as 5 minutes to us. If you want your child to complete a task in a certain amount of time, the best way to achieve that is have a clock or egg timer set for the desired time limit, and put it where they can see it. The downside to this is you have to keep bring it to their attention for it to work. Some parents use a recording that counts down the time in 5, 10 and 15-minute increments. I use that method vocally.
In order to get your child to finish a complex chore, like cleaning their rooms, the best way to accomplish this is to segment the chore. In other words, break it up into smaller pieces. Instead of having them ‘clean their rooms’, start with having them put their books in the bookcase, or put away all of their Lego. When that is completed, have them put their clothes away, etc. This will help them to keep their focus. The same method can be used to get the child to work on school assignments that require considerable research over a long period of time.
When it becomes necessary to shift their focus from an activity they enjoy to something like eating supper, or getting ready for bed, a good way to do this with a minimum of fuss is to give a verbal reminder, so they are prepared for the transition. Let them know that supper will be ready in a half hour, then again in 15 minutes, and so on. Then when you instruct them to wash up, they are prepared to stop what they are doing and switch gears. This method can be used for everything from getting ready for school, to bath time or being on time for doctor’s appointments.
6. Make Sure They Know the Rules
Adhd children have troubles with their memory. Specifically, the area of the memory, or the ability, to keep an objective forefront in their thoughts, such as retaining data needed to complete a task correctly. Something I have found particularly helpful is to write down important information, as you would important phone numbers in case of an emergency. The same principal applies here.
If your child has trouble with homework, write out a checklist of the steps from start to finish and place it on the table. This way when they start to go off-task, you can remind them to check the card to see what step they are currently working on. Or if your child has a problem playing nicely with others, or his behaviour goes over the top when someone comes over, write down the behaviours or rules that you want them to remember, and have them review the list before playing with friends, or visitors arrive.
An excellent way to reinforce this list of rules is to offer an incentive upon successful completion or remembering and following the guidelines. Whenever possible, have your child use a hands-on, physical approach to remember things. Most Adhd kids respond better when they can see and or touch something rather than just remembering.
7. Be Consistent
One of the most important things you can do to help your child is to be consistent. One of the simplest and hardest tasks a parent of an Adhd child faces is consistency. Do your best to use the same methods to handle your child’s behaviour every time. Regardless of where you are, be it in a store, or visiting, or at your child’s school, use the same tactics as you would at home. And don’t give up, Rome wasn’t built in a day!
A lot of parents think that explaining to their child why they shouldn’t continue with a certain behaviour is better than creating a ‘scene’ when in a public place. I recently had to visit a clinic, and while I was waiting my turn, I watched a 4-year-old run out the door and down the walkway. He was immediately followed by his older brother, who brought him back. As soon as the brother sat down, the little boy dashed out the door again, this time pursued by his mother. This behaviour continued for over half an hour. The mother was obviously frustrated, the father sat and did nothing, and the little boy’s behaviour irritated everyone in the waiting room.
Explaining to this child why he shouldn’t rush out the door was completely lost on him. And this is what I am trying to explain here. Your child isn’t stupid. He or she is intelligent, and generally very articulate. But simply reasoning with him will not stop the behaviour. Action speaks louder than words, especially with Adhd kids.
8. Use Foresight
Whenever you are making plans for an outing, family get-together, shopping, or dinner out, remember to go over the rules of conduct and consequences with your child. Have them repeat them back to you so you know he has heard and understands. This lessens the chances of acting out, or bad behaviour. Use frequent praise for the child’s good behaviour while you are out. This bolsters their self-esteem and reinforces the good behaviours.
9. Don’t Take It Personally
Remember, you are dealing with a behaviourally disabled child. Don’t take his bad behaviour personally. He acts out because he can’t help it, not because you are a bad parent. Try to keep your cool, and your sense of humour when dealing with problems. This can go a long way to relieving the stress and frustration of the situation. And above all, don’t hold it against him. By this I mean, don’t hold a grudge. Tomorrow is another day.
My son could have a particularly trying day, filled with arguments, confrontations, screaming matches, slamming doors and lost privileges. But when he goes to bed at night, all of that is in the past. He wakes up the next morning bright, happy, and loving. Everything that happened the day before is forgotten and forgiven. He starts each day with a clean slate, and so should you.
This doesn’t mean any consequences incurred the day before should be forgotten, but it does mean that the anger, frustration, disappointment or hurt the behaviour carried with it, should. It isn’t easy, but practice makes perfect.
Friday, January 23, 2009
How Can You Tell If Your Child Has ADHD?
There isn't one symptom that embodies ADHD. Rather, there are a myriad of behaviours that when manifested for a prolonged period of time, could suggest your child has this disability. I would like to state here that if you notice any of the behaviours associated with this disorder, you should not jump to the conclusion that your child has ADHD.
Diagnosing ADHD isn't simple, nor should it be. It is a complicated disorder, and there are many levels of this disability, from mild to extreme.
If you suspect your child has a problem, don't ignore it with the hopes that it will go away. You should consider having your child evaluated by a professional when any of the following conditions exist:
...for the period of at least 6 months, the child exibits inattentiveness, excessive activity and impulsiveness exceeding that in other children of the same age.
...you consistantly need to assist your child with daily personal chores, like getting dressed, personal hygiene, getting ready for bed or cleaning their room due to an inability to perform these tasks independently.
...other children do not like playing with your child or avoid the child because of excessive activity, emotional or aggressive behaviour.
...day-care staff, teachers, or other parents have told you that your child has been having significant problems with behaviour for several months.
...you repeatedly lose your temper with the child, feel you need to use excessive physical discipline to manage the child, are afraid you might be on the verge of harming the child, you are sleep deprived, exhausted, fatigued, or even depressed because of the amount of time and energy needed to manage and raise the child.
As you can see from this partial checklist, Adhd isn’t simply 'not paying attention'. Adhd is often associated with other behavioural and emotional disorders. Research shows that up to 45% of children diagnosed with Adhd have at least one other psychiatric disorder, sometimes two or more. They also display more symptoms of depression and anxiety (that aren’t high enough for a psychiatric diagnosis) than other children.
As a starting point, with a school aged child, you might want to consider having him or her evaluated. There are several tests that can be administered by the counsellors and teachers, with yourself, that help to pinpoint any problems with behaviour, inattention and hyperactivity.
One of the most important and informative books available is 'Taking Charge of ADHD - the complete authoritative guide for parents' by Russell A. Barkley, PhD. This book encompasses a wide range of relevant topics regarding this disability, from what to expect, possible solutions for getting a handle on ADHD, medications, and information resourses.
If you suspect your child does have this disability, the best way you can help is to educate yourself. The more you know, the better able you are to provide the support necessary to maintaining a healthier, happier relationship with your child. And it goes a long way to reducing the daily stress that is so prevalent with this disability.
Diagnosing ADHD isn't simple, nor should it be. It is a complicated disorder, and there are many levels of this disability, from mild to extreme.
If you suspect your child has a problem, don't ignore it with the hopes that it will go away. You should consider having your child evaluated by a professional when any of the following conditions exist:
...for the period of at least 6 months, the child exibits inattentiveness, excessive activity and impulsiveness exceeding that in other children of the same age.
...you consistantly need to assist your child with daily personal chores, like getting dressed, personal hygiene, getting ready for bed or cleaning their room due to an inability to perform these tasks independently.
...other children do not like playing with your child or avoid the child because of excessive activity, emotional or aggressive behaviour.
...day-care staff, teachers, or other parents have told you that your child has been having significant problems with behaviour for several months.
...you repeatedly lose your temper with the child, feel you need to use excessive physical discipline to manage the child, are afraid you might be on the verge of harming the child, you are sleep deprived, exhausted, fatigued, or even depressed because of the amount of time and energy needed to manage and raise the child.
As you can see from this partial checklist, Adhd isn’t simply 'not paying attention'. Adhd is often associated with other behavioural and emotional disorders. Research shows that up to 45% of children diagnosed with Adhd have at least one other psychiatric disorder, sometimes two or more. They also display more symptoms of depression and anxiety (that aren’t high enough for a psychiatric diagnosis) than other children.
As a starting point, with a school aged child, you might want to consider having him or her evaluated. There are several tests that can be administered by the counsellors and teachers, with yourself, that help to pinpoint any problems with behaviour, inattention and hyperactivity.
One of the most important and informative books available is 'Taking Charge of ADHD - the complete authoritative guide for parents' by Russell A. Barkley, PhD. This book encompasses a wide range of relevant topics regarding this disability, from what to expect, possible solutions for getting a handle on ADHD, medications, and information resourses.
If you suspect your child does have this disability, the best way you can help is to educate yourself. The more you know, the better able you are to provide the support necessary to maintaining a healthier, happier relationship with your child. And it goes a long way to reducing the daily stress that is so prevalent with this disability.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
What is ADHD?
There are many opinions about ADHD, one of them being that ADHD is not a medical disability. There are a lot of people who feel that parents are simply using it as an excuse to not discipline their children. Where this could be the case in some instances, it unfortunately, in the majority of cases is not. ADHD is real.
ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and is a developmental disorder of self control. Challenges relating to attention span, impulse control and activity levels are all part and parcel of this disorder.
It is not, as you might have been hoping, a temporary state that your child will grow out of. It is not caused by your 'failure' as a parent, or lack of discipline.
It would be easier as a parent to deal with a physical manifestation of a disability because there would be no mistaking a problem. With ADHD, there is no such manifestation. These children look completely normal. There is no outward sign there is anything wrong, but there is.
Many psychologists and medical professionals believe there is an imperfection in the brain that causes the constant movement and 'bad' behaviours that people find so unbearable in these children.
The fact that you are reading this suggests that you are very familiar with with the way others react to your child's behaviours. Meaning, they erroneously assume your 'little Alice' needs more discipline, and view your attempts at parenting as permissive or careless to say the least.
I have heard on more than one occasion, "Can't you do something about your son?" Unfortunately, I am! When I answer that my son has ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and some Post Traumatic Stress, they more often than not react judgmentally. They see the 'ADHD label' as an excuse by me to avoid the responsibility of parenting my child, or worse yet, of making my son into a victim who is not accountable for his actions.
None of which is true.
It's exceedingly frustrating dealing with the hypocritical and judgmental responses. Not only do they see my son's behaviour negatively, they believe he is 'normal' (due to no physical manifestations of a disorder) and blame me for his actions. Either that, or they offer their 'worldly wisdom' that my son will 'grow out of it'.
Even my own doctor has said the same things to me. "Don't worry, it could just be a phase he is going through." or "I'm sure he will grow out of it, just hang in there." Where this might be true with some milder forms of ADHD, there is no way this will happen with my son. I have been 'hanging on' now for 11 years!
Here are a few statistics for you.
5 - 8%, or more than 2.5 million school age children have ADHD. Put in perspective, that translates to one or two kids with ADHD in EVERY classroom throughout the U.S./Canada. Up to 30 - 50% of these kids will be held back a grade (at least once) As many as 35% drop out of high school altogether. For half of these kids, social relationships are seriously messed up, and for over 60%, their consistent defiant behaviour leads to resentment from siblings and peers, which in turn means more frequent punishments and a greater potential for delinquency and/or substance abuse when they are older.
ADHD is one of the most common childhood disorders the medical professionals are aware of, and one of the most misunderstood.
Here are a few more stats for you.
Over 20% of kids with ADHD have set serious fires in their communities, over 30% have stolen, 40% smoke and drink earlier, and more than 25% are expelled from high school due to serious misconduct.
In their first 5 years of driving, adolescents with an ADHD diagnosis have almost 4 times as many accidents, are more likely to cause bodily harm, and have 3 times as many speeding tickets as kids without ADHD.
Raising a child with ADHD is not for the faint-hearted. I can personally tell you this roller coaster ride is a white knuckle experience that I would gladly do almost anything not to be on.
ADHD is a disorder that needs to be taken seriously. I have been living, learning, and dealing with this for the last 11 years, and the one constant I have noticed is the lack of education regarding this disability. And I'm not only speaking about your child's teachers, neighbours, friends, family and peers. I'm talking about you as parents.
In order to help your child deal with, work through, and overcome this disability, you need to educate yourselves on the complete spectrum of this disorder. In most cases you are their only advocate, friend, adviser, and support. Your child needs you to understand what is going on with them so they don't fall through the cracks and become another statistic.
I'm not saying this is an easy task. Trust me, I would love not to have to take on this additional responsibility. I would love to have a career and carefree holidays in a tropical paradise with no worries except whether my luggage arrives the same time I do. But if I don't do this for my son, who will? Certainly not his teachers, doctors, counselors, family members or friends. And he doesn't have the focus, drive or interest to do it himself, (being the nature of the disability) so that leaves me, and I can't let him down.
So please bear with me as I help my son through helping you. Hopefully you will at the very least, know that you are not alone in your struggles.
ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and is a developmental disorder of self control. Challenges relating to attention span, impulse control and activity levels are all part and parcel of this disorder.
It is not, as you might have been hoping, a temporary state that your child will grow out of. It is not caused by your 'failure' as a parent, or lack of discipline.
It would be easier as a parent to deal with a physical manifestation of a disability because there would be no mistaking a problem. With ADHD, there is no such manifestation. These children look completely normal. There is no outward sign there is anything wrong, but there is.
Many psychologists and medical professionals believe there is an imperfection in the brain that causes the constant movement and 'bad' behaviours that people find so unbearable in these children.
The fact that you are reading this suggests that you are very familiar with with the way others react to your child's behaviours. Meaning, they erroneously assume your 'little Alice' needs more discipline, and view your attempts at parenting as permissive or careless to say the least.
I have heard on more than one occasion, "Can't you do something about your son?" Unfortunately, I am! When I answer that my son has ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and some Post Traumatic Stress, they more often than not react judgmentally. They see the 'ADHD label' as an excuse by me to avoid the responsibility of parenting my child, or worse yet, of making my son into a victim who is not accountable for his actions.
None of which is true.
It's exceedingly frustrating dealing with the hypocritical and judgmental responses. Not only do they see my son's behaviour negatively, they believe he is 'normal' (due to no physical manifestations of a disorder) and blame me for his actions. Either that, or they offer their 'worldly wisdom' that my son will 'grow out of it'.
Even my own doctor has said the same things to me. "Don't worry, it could just be a phase he is going through." or "I'm sure he will grow out of it, just hang in there." Where this might be true with some milder forms of ADHD, there is no way this will happen with my son. I have been 'hanging on' now for 11 years!
Here are a few statistics for you.
5 - 8%, or more than 2.5 million school age children have ADHD. Put in perspective, that translates to one or two kids with ADHD in EVERY classroom throughout the U.S./Canada. Up to 30 - 50% of these kids will be held back a grade (at least once) As many as 35% drop out of high school altogether. For half of these kids, social relationships are seriously messed up, and for over 60%, their consistent defiant behaviour leads to resentment from siblings and peers, which in turn means more frequent punishments and a greater potential for delinquency and/or substance abuse when they are older.
ADHD is one of the most common childhood disorders the medical professionals are aware of, and one of the most misunderstood.
Here are a few more stats for you.
Over 20% of kids with ADHD have set serious fires in their communities, over 30% have stolen, 40% smoke and drink earlier, and more than 25% are expelled from high school due to serious misconduct.
In their first 5 years of driving, adolescents with an ADHD diagnosis have almost 4 times as many accidents, are more likely to cause bodily harm, and have 3 times as many speeding tickets as kids without ADHD.
Raising a child with ADHD is not for the faint-hearted. I can personally tell you this roller coaster ride is a white knuckle experience that I would gladly do almost anything not to be on.
ADHD is a disorder that needs to be taken seriously. I have been living, learning, and dealing with this for the last 11 years, and the one constant I have noticed is the lack of education regarding this disability. And I'm not only speaking about your child's teachers, neighbours, friends, family and peers. I'm talking about you as parents.
In order to help your child deal with, work through, and overcome this disability, you need to educate yourselves on the complete spectrum of this disorder. In most cases you are their only advocate, friend, adviser, and support. Your child needs you to understand what is going on with them so they don't fall through the cracks and become another statistic.
I'm not saying this is an easy task. Trust me, I would love not to have to take on this additional responsibility. I would love to have a career and carefree holidays in a tropical paradise with no worries except whether my luggage arrives the same time I do. But if I don't do this for my son, who will? Certainly not his teachers, doctors, counselors, family members or friends. And he doesn't have the focus, drive or interest to do it himself, (being the nature of the disability) so that leaves me, and I can't let him down.
So please bear with me as I help my son through helping you. Hopefully you will at the very least, know that you are not alone in your struggles.
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