One Small Step for Parents

2012-01-14T19:13:00.001-08:00

Hello Enelle and all the other frustrated parents,

Just found a VERY lengthy article, "The Drugging of Our Children" by Gary Null (you can Google it) that really delves into the ADD/ADHD problem (seemingly concentrated in North America according to this, as we account for 96% of the prescription use worldwide) and the topic of medicating. I haven't read the entire article as it is quite long, ( I plan to) but was intrigued by what I have read so far.

For instance: The musings of newspaper columnist Rod Allee: "There was a boy who in his early teens was a bad student, failing in many classes. Thought to be bright and encouraged by his parents and his uncles, the boy could not bring himself to pay attention. He dropped out of school and took long walks. Meetings were held. No psychiatric medicine was available. The boy's personality changed not a whit. Nevertheless the boy became a legend. Yes, that boy was Albert Einstein. It is possible, in my mind, probable, that had psychiatric medications been prescribed for the young Albert, the world would never have learned about relativity."

Perhaps some of you have read about the teenage girls in an Upstate NY high school who were all perfectly healthy and have developed, overnight, (in one case literally after a nap) tics, spasms and symptoms of Tourette's Syndrome. Many cannot attend school anymore. The cause is a mystery, but many blogging about it are wondering about the much hyped GARDASIL vaccine. I have read articles of girl's becoming quite ill, and some dying after receiving this shot. Of course when the GYNO that my 19 year old daughter went to proposed taking this shot, she balked at my telling her what I had learned. "Where did you hear that?!" she snapped. "EVERYONE is getting this vaccine!" My daughter told me as we left, (no she didn't get the shot) "Mom, NONE of my friends have gotten it."

More and more it is clear that pills and vaccines are being pushed, and pushed hard. It's a VERY lucrative business. Our babies are receiving more vaccines in their tiny bodies than ever before. I find it hard to believe there is no connection between the rise in vaccines and the medical issues we as parents, are dealing with. I don't believe it's just happening. As I've said before, we are all strangers to one another, yet we are all describing the same child. Does no one else but me find this astounding? And as we are ripping our hair out, doctors and drug companies are raking in a lot of money. I'm not saying vaccines shouldn't be, but perhaps they shouldn't be given in multiple form and maybe spaced out a bit so our kids can adjust.

Food for thought. But I have had educator's and my son's pediatrician all confide in me that they do not favor the meds. They do not trust them either. I believe there is a cause, and a cure. Who knows, maybe the "cure" will be something as simple as stopping something from entering their bodies.

posted by: Christina

Holiday Greetings

2011-12-28T08:12:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanuka, and Seasons Greetings!

This year was a pleasant surprise from previous holiday seasons. My son, who is ADHD/ODD was surprisingly mellow over the beginning of Christmas break. I was told by his school counselor that he was a bit distracted (what child isn't,) and somewhat "grumpy", but that all of the children were excited and restless. My son managed to keep his behavior in check for the most part, and there were no melt-down's or escalating issues with other students. He even managed to finish all his work and is now caught up with the rest of his class, so that when or if report cards are issued, he will receive full marks for this term.

I was also pleased to note that his behavior at home was more controlled than previous years. Yes, he was still excited, and yes the ODD still made its appearance from time to time, but overall his behavior and attitude was well within acceptable limits. We had family visiting with us this year, and some would say that was the reason for his good behavior. I, however, know that guests do not affect positive behavior. It would make no difference if the President was visiting!

My son had only one minor meltdown (so far,) over the holidays, and that was when the dog ate a few of his chocolate coins that he had neglected to pick up off the floor, (after being reminded a few times to do so.) He was most aggrieved and his words were particularly venomous, however the outburst was short lived, and both he and the dog made friends again, his chocolates were replaced and all was well with the world.

To be perfectly honest, his outburst was short lived because we very firmly stopped the tirade, explaining that he had left the chocolates, the dog was doing what dogs do, (I mean, what do you expect from a dog?), and within a few minutes, instigated a reunion between the two. My son was told to apologize and make friends, and the issue was closed with a "group hug" to end the day on a positive note. Generally speaking, this is not the type of parenting that most people would expect, or one that would have any effect on a behavioral issue. However, the outcome was positive - the behavior disappeared, and peace was restored within minutes.

I have used this principal before, but this particular time it worked in minutes...something to think about for the coming year...I will keep you posted!

First Jobs and ADHD

2011-12-08T22:06:00.000-08:00

My son is a paper carrier. I am quite proud of the fact that he is employed. After all he is only fourteen, and just the idea that he wants to work is wonderful. I still find it amazing that he actually wants to work. However, there is a huge difference between wanting to work and actually doing the work!

When he first started, I had to help him several times as he wasn't used to the physical exertion required, and I got very tired of hearing the excuses and complaining that went along with the paper route! However, he did get used to his route and soon he was managing it all by himself. The only issue that kept recurring was getting him started. For weeks I had to remind him that "today is paper day," and then keep nudging him to get out there and start delivering. After a few months, we finally settled on a delivery time, and that seemed to work out well.

Then we got a call from the newspaper office stating that they had made a mistake, and his route was actually bigger than what he had been told. This sparked a new hurdle. My son decided that he wasn't going to do the other street as the route now took him twice as long to do and the previous complaints came back with a flourish! I suggested that he call his "boss" and tell her that he didn't want to deliver papers any more, but my son admitted that he had become accustomed to the money, and he was actually reluctant to give it up.

Again, it took a few months before he finally settled into a routine, and for the most part, he completes his whole route on his own, with no help from me...unless it is pouring rain. Then I will step in and we load his papers into the van. I drive, he delivers!

So far, my son has been a paper carrier for over a year, and this will be the second Christmas that he is able to buy gifts with his own money!

As today is "paper day", it is time for me to remind him to start early...it gets dark quite early now, and I am doing my best to motivate him to start and finish while there is still daylight! At any rate, I am very pleased that he still has his first job, and that for the most part, he doesn't complain about doing it...
See? There is light at the end of the tunnel...

HubPages Comments, continued

2011-12-08T14:29:00.001-08:00

Meet Christina, the mother of an eight year old boy with ADD, a high functioning form of Asperger's and possibly ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder.) These are her words:

My son is 8 years old, has ADD, a high functioning form of Asperger's and I think ODD. He is very intelligent, as handsome as his Daddy (who is the love of my life) and is driving us nuts. As I write this he has been doing homework for almost 4 hours. Last night was an epic 6 1/2, the same amount of time a school day lasts. It's not that he's not capable of doing the work, he manages to do it in school. I have tried everything, and I'm at my wits end. We've done the reward system, which he only managed to turn around on us by flat out refusing to do anything unless he's guaranteed getting his game system which was the reward. We've tried punishment, not allowing any TV time before homework, made sure there are no distractions, sat beside him for hours to help him, explained that if he gets his work done there will be free time to do what he wants. NOTHING works. Yet somehow he manages to do well in school. Though his teachers always talk about his focusing issues, he is performing at grade level, in a mainstream class, is two reading levels above where is expected, gets high scores on all tests, is very good at math, and can recite lessons he's been taught. Every time I walk into the school for whatever reason all I hear is "Hi Nicky!". Teachers who do not even have him in their class know who he is. Children in older grades know who he is and last year there were a group of 6th grade girls he called his "girlfriends". They were quite charmed by him. Apparently he is quite the character in school. I wish I could be a fly on the wall for a day to see it. Well behaved and well mannered I'm always told. It makes me mad and jealous that he can't show us the same respect and courtesy. We, after all, are the ones that do everything for him.

Home is another story. He's putting us through hell. My 19 year old daughter went to live with my Mother at 14 because she couldn't deal with the constant yelling, arguing and stress. It absolutely breaks my heart, as I love her dearly. She lives close by and I do see her quite often, she comes for sleepovers at our home and she and I are quite close. But I wish I had her home. She loves her brother, but gets as frustrated with him as we do. My neighbors put up with a lot as they listen to quite a bit of yelling. One has a son with ADHD so she really understands. Yet it's embarrassing as hell. This is not me. It's not the household I come from where things were quiet, and yelling just wasn't part of the program.

I have come to believe that part of his issues he is VERY much in control of. He's a devil in the morning as we get ready for school which he refers to as a "trap", but as he walks into the school yard I can literally see the transformation. He's good all day and the moment he gets out it begins to change and by the time I am pulling into my driveway it's "hello Mr. Nasty". He knows full well what he's doing. As he gets my husband and I (I am his FAVORITE target-the weakest link I guess) angrier and angrier you can almost see the twinkle in his eye. He enjoys it, which is nuts. We are not pushovers by any means, and don't let him get away with bad behavior because "he can't control it" as I've been told. BS! He likes to push our buttons, it's obvious. Our immediate family "gets it" but when you try to explain it to anyone not living with this they look at you like you have three heads. They see him as charming, witty, intelligent and oh my God do they LOVE to talk to him. "He speaks like an adult, not like a child!" If I had a dollar for every time I've heard this I'd be loaded. The cashiers in my local market are even charmed by him. None of them live with him though.

I am very involved with school and my husband has put him in Little League and Hockey (a perfect sport to release his aggression, but there Nicky acts like a wimp ) and my husband manages and coaches both teams to be involved. He himself is very athletic and the other kids and parents love his style. Nicky could be good in both, he has potential but he loves to give his Daddy a hard time. My husband has enrolled him in these sports teams to help with Nicky's social issues, which are another problem. He has befriended another boy on his hockey team with the same issues and at first we thought "Great, he's made a friend!". Well, two peas in a pod are not always the best thing when dealing with ADD. They drive my husband nuts during practice and games because they do not stop talking. It never ceases to amaze me how much he can talk, and he was delayed with his speech. He talks from the moment he wakes up until he goes to sleep. It's how we know he's fallen asleep, for we no longer hear the talking.

The level of stress is through the roof, and we both feel it taking a toll on our health. We can't ever get a break from him, as no one will take him for a sleepover. Everything we do or don't do is based upon whether Nicky will be happy, well behaved and/or entertained. It ALL revolves around him. I believe that my kids come first, but we have a life too. And that my daughter has sat out on vacations and outings because of the nonsense is so unfair. I don't invite our friends over because at any moment something can erupt, and escalate because he just doesn't know when to stop, and I don't need the added embarrassment. Holidays are pretty much the only time, and he usually makes sure to give me an extra hard time then knowing that I am busy and stressed as it is. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays or any special day he likes to sabotage. If he knows you are not feeling well, he gets extra pleasure out of making you miserable.

I don't get to be a "Mommy" to him. Most of the time I'm angry, arguing, frustrated, annoyed and yelling. His childhood is flying by and it's so sad that things are this way. Once in a while (and I don't know why) he is a "normal" kid for a day. He's sweet, well behaved and I can breath again. It's cruel in a way because it lets me see how things could be. How I wish with all my heart they would be. It's a window to another life possibility, and I try to explain that to him. I try to point out that when he is like that there is no fighting or yelling, and there wouldn't be if he would act like that most of the time. But I think he gets bored with that. He likes the chaos.

We don't want to medicate him. I just don't feel these drugs have been around long enough, and who knows what effects will come to light in 10-20 years. Doctors and pharmaceutical companies just love to dispense a shot or a pill for everything nowadays. His pediatrician agreed that she is no fan of these medications either, and many others I've spoken to feel the same.

What do we do? I feel lost. Reading the other posts here have made me feel slightly better as I know we are not alone. We love our son dearly, and would do anything for him. We both believe he can be very successful someday, he has so much potential. But I also see a lot of trouble if he can't get his instigating and aggressive ways under control. His condition is a blessing in some ways (the intelligence) and a maddening situation in others. All I know is as I drive away from school after dropping him off I can feel the physical change in me. My chest loosens up, I can breathe, my head stops pounding, the stress fades and I can talk without yelling. And the reverse happens at pick-up time, I feel it all increasing because I know what will transpire. And I know homework hell is looming. It's a vicious cycle, and I go to sleep every night praying (sometimes crying) that my son will begin to ease up on some of this.

As more and more children seem to have this (there are about 6 boys in his class and I don't know how his teacher manages) the medical community and the schools need to step up their game. It takes a village to raise a child right? Something somewhere is causing this upswing and I do believe there is a remedy other than sedating them. I try to keep the faith that those questions will be answered, and a "cure" of some sort will be available someday. Til then the gray hairs keep coming faster and faster and my beauty supply store keeps making more money! LOL.

Comments from my Living With ADHD hub on HubPages

2011-12-08T14:20:00.001-08:00

I wrote an article several years ago on HubPages, and I get at least one or two comments a day on it from parents searching for answers, suggestions and support. I have decided to post a few of the comments here, to give them more exposure, and to help other parents who might read a bit of their own story in the words.

Meet, Kristin, a mother of a seven year old boy with ADHD, sensory issues, Anxiety and possibly ODD. These are her words:

Thank you so much for writing all of this, it is so nice to hear that we are not alone. I have a 7 year old, who 1 year ago was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, possible ODD, and sensory issues. LIfe with him can be so amazing, and then snap, it goes the other way so quickly. We sat on a wait list for Mental Health for 1 year and have now been going since March. It has been great, but in the same breath his behaviour when we are there is usually not too good, so it is hard for all of us to get anywhere when we are there.

It all started when he was about 2 years old, and after raising one 2 year old already ( he is now 9 and a awesome mellow, laid back boy), I knew that something wan't quite right. He was very hands one, acting out, could never sit still, the whole nine yards. Once he started school (kindergarten), it got worse, he struggled socially, has no idea how to make friends, keep friends etc., was finally designated with H designation which is a behaviour designation through the school, which did get hid a EA in the classroom. He couldn't concentrate on school, had to sit on certain chairs, couldn't fininsh school work, mouthed people off and swears like a trucker! That summer once school was finished we (my husband and I), went to our family doctor and finally got our family doctor to give the ADHD diagnosis and put him on meds (biphentin). We struggled with the Biphentin, it didn't work, kept upping it and then did a top up at 3pm of ritalin, nothing lasted very long for him. He started grade 1 and was doing a bit better, still had his EA, went to reading recovery, had alot of support in the classroom, but still was getting in trouble. Got calls from the principals office on more than a few occasions, he got sent home from throwing rocks at all the cars that were driving past the school. Then towards the end of grade one we finally got in Mental Heath, they changed his meds to conerta, kept having to up it as it would only last till about 2pm, he is now on 54mg of concerta, and is lasting most of the day.

We are still struggling though, he can very abusive, more to me and his brother, than dad (who was in denial for the longest time, but has now come around). He has hit me, punched me, pushed me down the stairs, I have gone to our appts. at mental health with bruises. He also calls us all the names in the book, and heaven for bid we wanted to go out and do anything as a family, because it always gets destroyed by his behaviour.

So far in grade 2, he has been holding it together while at school, until last week when all wheels kind of fell of. He refused to take his meds in the am, warned the teacher and told them to call us if needed. Of course, we got that call, he was being sent home for threatening kids in the class with scissors- wanting to cut their hair, tried pulling down someones pant etc., the school wanted to call family services because of all of this, but didn't once they were properly informed about Connor and his actions on a regular basis. He got everything taken away form him, all his electronics etc., and he didn't care, we could take everything away and leave him with a pillow and blanket and he wouldn't care on bit, it so frustrating.

We have been judged by parents by other parents at the school, his older brother doesn't want to have anything to do with him most of time, and even one set of grandparents until recently thought that we just needed to parent him differently and be more strict!

I feel as a parent that I am always walking on egg shells, waiting for the next one to crack, because I know that it will sooner than later! My husband works night shifts 2 nights out of 6, and that can be really stressful with me, as Connor will push every button on me, refuse to do everything for me, it is his way or the highway. He never falls asleep before 10/10:30 at night, have tried melatonin, and it doesn't do anything for him!

I keep thinking that it sucks, and why did I get a child like this, but then I look in his eyes and my heart just melts, because I think if I am feeling this way, what goes on in his little head, as he always down on himself (lacks self esteem).

Everyday is a challenge, I never know what we are going to wake up to, the prince I know he can be or the devil that comes out so quick!

It is so nice to read everyone's posts and to know that we are not alone!

Thank you all, especially you Enelle for sharing your stories!

Krisitn

Hello and Welcome to Our New Members

2011-09-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

I must apologize for being remiss in welcoming our new members! I could cite several reasons and excuses, but to be completely truthful, I left it up to the individual members to contact us! I have since discovered that I, personally, find the Friend Connect feature a tad confusing so have decided to simply by pass this feature and issue a public and very heartfelt welcome via a new post.

Thank you so much for choosing to join our community! Seeing new members always makes my heart glad! It is such a joy to know that our community is not only growing, but attracting and sustaining readership across the globe! Our "mission" (to use the up-to-date vernacular,) is to educate readers about ADHD, ODD and other disabilities related to ADD and ADHD, as well as provide information, resources and support for parents and adults living with these disabilities.

We are not medical professionals, although some of our members and followers might be. We are simply parents and adults who have a unique view of ADHD. We feel our community fills a void, because we have a different perspective. We have a wealth of information and support to share with not only our members, but everyone whose lives have been touched and in many cases, changed by ADHD and its attendant disabilities.

I do hope that everyone who has joined this site since its inception has found our community helpful and informative in some way. Please feel free to use the forums if you have any questions or answers for us, and if you are interested in adding your story, please contact us at harondezyn@hotmail.com and we will be happy to add you to the author's group.

Once again, thank you for joining our community and we hope to hear from you soon!

New Look!

2011-09-14T11:19:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been following my stories and hopefully taking advantage of the resources that I have here, you may have noticed the changes to the look of One Small Step...

I have recently changed the outward appearance of the site as well as added a few, new items. One of the new additions has been an actual forum, (instead of simply using the comment form,) so that members can discuss issues and challenges, as well as add their voice in support for people looking for answers. It is set up in such a way that anyone can view the topics, (or start a new one,) and comment.

Another addition is the option to shop onsite. I am a single parent, with a fixed budget that doesn't stretch to afford luxuries such as alternative medications, diet plans or reading materials...all of which are important when searching for answers to our busy and at times, stress filled lives. These additions were made with that fact in mind! I wanted to mix great selections with affordable costs, and so far I feel I have achieved that balance.

If you are searching for products, and don't see the specific one you want, I have also included a search box for your convenience.

That being said, this site isn't just about finding products that help, it's about finding the right resources, support and information that we need to make informed choices. We won't know what works or what can help if we don't have the tools available to use.

Our readership and members list is growing daily, and I hope these changes will offer more avenues of information and support.

School update

2011-09-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

It is now day three of the new school year (at least for the school my son attends,) and so far there have been two issues that were addressed and two phone calls. Not bad for only three days!

The first issue that was dealt with (...with no phone call to come and pick up my son,) was an altercation with another student. This is a huge first! Not only did the school deal with it in a prompt manner, they also 'closed' the incident so there will be no other problems. Hallelujah!

The second issue had to do with my son's level of learning. Since grade six, the regular school system simply passed my son regardless of whether he actually learned enough information to warrant the passing grade. I have been fighting this battle with no results until now. The last school my son attended, Betty Gilbert Middle School, as well as his previous school, Ecolé Christine Morrison, both refused to fail my son, opting instead to pass him into the next grade, citing "school policy" as the reason. I don't know what good this policy is doing by simply moving children through the system as it seems to be based on the child being with his "peer group" instead of learning.

However, the first thing Apex did (my son's new school,) was to place him in the grade eight classroom instead of the grade nine class that was recommended on his final report card from last year. Finally, my son will now receive (she says with fingers crossed,) the education that has been sorely lacking for the last three years.

I was also informed by the principal, Ms. Epicch, that the only time my son will ever be sent home from school, aside from being legitimately sick, is if he comes to school under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or if he brings a weapon...both of which I am confident he will not do. (Again, with crossed fingers!)

The phone calls that I have received to date, were from the family support worker, (another plus this school has over the regular system,) who informed me that so far my son was actually completing work in the classroom and they were working on his paranoia regarding his allergies and food. The second phone call was this morning informing me that he had missed the bus. (This I already knew and had dropped him off at the office moments before the call.)

So far I am thrilled with the way they are handling and dealing with my son. There just might be a light at the end of the tunnel after all! I will keep you posted...

Back to School

2011-08-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well, all too soon, the summer is over and kids everywhere are gearing up for the first days of school...except my son! He is still more concerned with video games and visiting friends than he is with new clothes and school supplies.

He did enjoy his new school's summer program though, and with the exception of being sick for one day and trying to con his way out of a couple more, he did manage to complete the program and participate in all the activities. His reward for sticking to it is 10% towards any grade for the school year.

As the summer program was 'held' at his school, he also had a chance to get to know some of the other students who will be attending, as well as the lay out and some of the teachers, so at least when he finally attends his first day, he won't feel so lost and out of place.

He only had one day where he phoned home complaining about being picked on, and there were no phone calls from the staff asking me to come and get him due to his behavior. That in itself gives me hope for his grade nine experience!

My son also had to take public transportation to and from the summer program, which has given him the opportunity to experience a wider world. He adapted quite well to riding the bus, which gave me the idea to expand his horizons a bit more by showing him how to get from our house to his friends house (over an hours drive away) using the skytrain (ELRT - elevated lite rail transportation.) By the time he comes home, he should be more than able to take the bus to the ELRT station ane visit his friend without me tagging along...we shall wait and see how successful this experiment is...

One small step towards independence...

A Fresh Start

2011-06-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a busy one. My son and I attended an intake meeting with the school coordinator at a new school, and toured the facilities. I must say I'm rather impressed with what I saw.

There are just over 100 students in the school, from grades seven to twelve, with the average classroom size being 10 to 15 students per class, with 3 adults (one teacher, one TA and one counselor,) in each class. The school also introduces itself as a family instead of a school, which appeals to kids like mine. The school caters to kids who don't fit in the regular school system, or have been in trouble, making it appear to be a good fit for my son.

After speaking with the coordinator, who is also filling the Vice Principal position, I feel relieved and confident that my son will do well there. There is a bus system, plus a lunch program - meals are prepared on the premises - and not only do they prepare lunches, they also serve breakfast. There is a small 'shop' where woodworking and mechanical work are done, a small weight room, music room and gymnasium along with the regular classrooms. There is also a counseling room (should it become necessary) and several counselors available throughout the day.

Because the size of the school is much smaller than regular schools, the staff is better able to assist with students who are having troubles - not understanding, not willing to participate, not willing to work, etc. The students are allowed to listen to music and stand at their desks if that is what helps them to complete the work. Their curriculum is also tailored to their individual needs and strengths, to better facilitate their willingness and ability to learn.

The school also runs a five week long summer day camp from Monday to Thursday each week that provides some academics as well as activities and field trips. The coordinator suggested (as he does with each new registration) that my son attend as this will help the staff to tailor his schooling and get him used to the school, meet some of the students, and settle in.

Overall, I'm pleased and hopeful this next year will be more productive for my son, both with academics and social interaction. He is already looking forward to summer day camp and attending regular classes there. Now if we can just keep his interest....

Life With a Learning Disabled Child:My Own Story

2011-04-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

Nic today with his new wife Shannon

As with most first-time Mothers, the parenthood journey started long before the actual birth and encompassed a plethora of worries. When my son Nicholas finally did arrive, kicking and screaming, I took my final cleansing breath of relief, without an inkling of what lie ahead for both of us. At that point in time, I was elated, high on the wonders of childbirth, my son’s tiny perfect hands and the ability to sleep, if only for a few hours when he was shuffled back to the nursery. My family and friends visited, we drank champagne to celebrate this incredible moment in time, and toasted in a new year and a new life. It was December 31^st, New Year’s Eve and a wonderful day to be born.

When I returned to my apartment with my bundle of joy, life would never be the same. As a single mother, I learned quickly that everything had to be carefully planned, from showers to shopping; I had a new appreciation for Mothers everywhere and wondered if they ever felt as inadequate as I did. To top it off, it seemed like whatever I did, Nicholas would not stop crying and although everyone kept telling me to “just relax, babies do cry” I could not just let him cry. His pediatrician assured me that he was fine, and that he probably just had a touch of “colic” a condition, by the way, that I still don’t completely understand. Nicholas was eventually put on a goat’s milk formula which did seem to agree with him best and I spent many hours rocking, holding, singing and dancing him sleep. It was the motion that seemed to be the most calming, with a quick cruise around the block becoming my favorite fussy baby fix!

To say that Nicholas was an active toddler is an extreme understatement. He was busy, stubborn and difficult to handle, doing best with a consistent daily routine and constant one-to-one interaction. He was always very social and athletic however, which was a plus when he entered daycare. There were concerns about Nicholas’ behavior though, and even at this age, his daycare and preschool teachers commented that he was frequently disruptive and defiant, especially during activities that required him to remain quiet, and pay attention to instruction. This did not surprise me in the least because I had the same frustrating experience with Nicholas at home. When it came time for Kindergarten, I was incredibly worried that he was just not ready, willing or able to comply with the most basic requests. In addition, Nicholas was not reading or writing, it was apparent that this was very difficult for him and he literally threw a fit whenever I attempted to review these essential skills!

Amazingly, he got through Kindergarten and part of First Grade with a few good friends and memories before the dreaded call came requesting my presence at a meeting with concerned school staff regarding Nicholas’ progress and placement. The condensed version: they suggested that Nicholas be assessed for placement in the district’s special education program, theoretically moving him into a class with 8 or 9 special-needs children, located in a trailer on the same elementary school campus. Of course I wanted him to learn with more individualized attention, and so I agreed to the proposed plan, and so began the battery of tests for Nicholas and meetings for me.

Unfortunately, things got much worse after Nicholas’ move and in the years to come. He was questioned and teased relentlessly by his previous classmates and so Nicholas’ behavior became much worse. He became angry and more uncooperative as the positive social interaction that he once shared with his peers was gone, replaced by a boy who felt isolated and different.

He went from learning disabled to learning disabled with oppositional behavior, the initial official diagnoses was ADHD with ODD, or Attention Deficit Disorder with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This changed over the years though, as reflected in numerous IEP, or Individual Educational Placement Reports. I tried to learn as much as I could by asking questions but I was told repeatedly to take the various diagnoses notes with a grain of salt as they frequently sounded worse than they really were to obtain sufficient funding. This only added to my worry however as these files were a part of Nicholas' permanent school record and identity. I felt helpless to do anything about it. The nightmare continued and eventually landed Nicholas in a private school that was about 40 miles away from our apartment.

By this time, nearing the end of 5^th grade, he decided that it was far better to be bad than stupid and after a short adjustment period, he seemed to fit right in, although I don’t know how beneficial this was. He was picking things up from his new classmates that made learning even more difficult and things at home impossible. Trying to work full time, drive Nic (as he now liked to be called) to school every day because he was embarrassed to ride in the little yellow bus and then set limits for an impossible and constantly testing child was taking a toll on me. The therapy sessions that Nic and I attended were not much help either at this point because Nic would not talk. He would just sit in silence, arms crossed and angry. I tried everything from behavior modification to punching bags on the porch.

But then, as I contemplated filling out an application for Wilderness Camp, Nic got to know a teacher at his school named Greg who seemed to share Nic’s love of sports. One of the problems with many privately run special education schools and programs is that they don’t have a strong focus on sports, perhaps understandable due to a lack of funding. As Nic’s friends and peers were playing High School Football, he watched from the sidelines, wanting to be part of something he always loved. Greg understood this gap in the system and made an effort to start a Sports Program at the school, and challenged Nic to help. If you don’t like something change it, and so they did. Having Jerseys made and arranging practice and game schedules, they succeeded in starting something that Nic now attributes to helping strengthening his body and mind, allowing him to make it through an educational system that didn’t seem to understand him.

Nic continues to struggle academically but after high school and as he began to mature, his attitude improved making life much easier than it was before. He still avoids everyday tasks like filling out forms, and situations where he may have to read out loud or be put on the spot but his love of sports, exercise, health and animals has reaffirmed his self-worth. He is without a doubt, still a work in progress who will never forget his journey. Last July, 2010, he married his girlfriend Shannon, who is, ironically, a 5^th grade teacher who specializes in special education and family counseling. Nic is working as a mechanic and enjoys coaching football and basketball at the school Shannon works at. Although I don’t think I’ll convince Nic to further his education any time soon, he is a relatively happy individual and I am very proud of how far he has come.

This certainly is not the end of a happily-ever-after story by any means, but I think it’s a message to us as parents and citizens of society that one size does not fit all. One must feel hope and a sense of accomplishment. When we get out of bed in the morning, if there is nothing to look forward to then our performance will indeed reflect that lack of purpose in all that we do. For young people especially, they are all so different and must be allowed to learn and express themselves in many sometimes unconventional ways. We must be able to tune into and further develop their strengths as well as diagnose their weaknesses. As neighbors, friends, family and parents--children are the future and we must act as advocates, sometimes finding a hidden purpose within them that they do not even know exists.

Chatkath

Parents Insights

2011-04-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

My son had a bad day at school last week, he was in music class (mind you he is in 2nd grade) and the music teacher asked him "to keep his hands to himself." How many times as a parent have we said that phrase? Anyway, my son got extremely aggressive for no reason and started yelling at the music teacher. His sudden outburst scared the teacher and she sent him to the principle's office.

Well, they called me and I had to rush to school to get him. He was expelled, but the principle thought he needed to "calm" down. I was shocked, embarrassed and didn't even know what to say. Well, after I got in the car with my son, he explained that he was just "mad" at the teacher for yelling at him. It took all my strength not to yell and scream at him either. However, to get him to calm down I had to calm down myself and help him understand that he cannot act like that in school. He explained that he was just mad....but he doesn't act like that ever. So the sudden surprise of it was just plain shocking to me!

Anyway, after he understood that his behavior was wrong and that he shouldn't do it at school he said he was sorry. I think he understood. But have other parents encountered these sudden outbursts and been totally taken by surprise by it?

He is such a good boy and I was totally surprised!! Please share your experiences....

Personal Update

2011-03-31T14:20:00.000-07:00

Recently, after reading an email from a member regarding her son's behavior, I thought to myself that I was quite fortunate to see changes in my own son's behavior, to the point where things were becoming smoother at home and at school.

I would like to recant that statement!

It would appear that my son's behavior has not changed sufficiently to warrant that all elusive pat on the back! I received a phone call from my son's principal this morning in which he told me that my son would be staying home from school for two days for swearing at his teacher.

I have no idea what prompted his outburst, but I do know that he obviously has a long way to go before I can rest on my laurels.

All the frustration and depression that I had managed to overcome came flooding back in an instant and I feel like I did when I first started on this journey.

So many parents ask me how I manage to cope with the behaviors, acting out, disrespect and sometimes down right rudeness that seems to cling to these children like lint on a wool sweater, and the only advice I can give is to be consistent, set up counseling for your child, get some support and be kind to yourself.

Well, we have counseling in place, and I have support, but at times like this, nothing seems to help rid me of the feelings of isolation, guilt, and frustration.

I have to say that these feelings will abate after a day or so, but in that time frame there isn't much that I can do to feel better, with the exception of crawling back into bed and sleeping away the next few days!

However, that isn't going to happen, even though that is exactly what I feel like doing! Writing, and sharing my stories with other parents facing the same challenges does help. Also, knowing that my son is getting older and will be better able to control his outbursts quiets some of the anxiety. I just wish it didn't take so long for the epiphanies to manifest.

I was told just the other day that my son is taking a "hard road" and seems to learn his life lessons the hard way, and I'm sure that other parents with children like mine have been told the same thing.

Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be any type of solution for that problem...at least not one that I have been made aware. So for the time being, it's back to the drawing board. I think there are several household chores that have my son's name on them. It might not hurt to show him what happens when you don't have a good education...

Community News

2011-03-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

Today marks the beginning of an online community for parents raising children with ADHD, ADD, ODD, OCD, and ADHD/ODD. There is a need for this community, and for more awareness about these disabilities and their affect on parents and children.

Society views children with these disorders as "hard to handle", "difficult", "unruly", "undisciplined", or worse yet, as "bad seeds". Parents of these enigmatic children are often ostracized, criticized, shunned, and simply labeled as poor or bad parents.

One the plus side, there has been more television exposure regarding ADHD and ADD, as celebrities come forward with personal stories regarding these disabilities. This is a huge step forward for us "regular folk", and gives us a glimpse of what might be, however, not all of our children will become celebrities, and enjoy their success.

Even with the rise of exposure, parents raising these children continue to struggle. Resources are fragmented and difficult to find, leaving us feeling isolated and confused. Support groups are often outside our areas, or non-existent, which furthers the feelings of isolation.

An online community can reach anyone - world-wide - all that is needed is an internet connection. Parents can now connect with each other; share their stories, resources and receive much needed support. If you are a parent struggling to raise one (or more,) of these charismatic and often times exasperating children, or you know of someone who is, please join or pass this on.

New ADHD Book Release

2011-03-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

Today was a very exciting day. Today marked the day a newly released book, "part-time Genius full-time Job" was published on Enelle's Book Case. It is available as a paperback edition and a download-able e-Book.

The story is a candidly personal account of raising an ADHD child and chronicles the many challenges, trials and triumphs involved. Reading the book is akin to following in the author's footsteps as she leads you into her life with her son. Chances are, if you are reading this, you or someone you know, might see familiar experiences mirrored within the pages.

Part-time Genius full-time Job also offers support, resources and information for parents looking for validation and solutions. This publication hopes to raise awareness of ADHD by bringing humor, hard truths and social issues together in an insightful manner.

This book is a must read for everyone, not only parents and children experiencing similar challenges. Families facing these difficulties need the support and understanding of professionals, communities and other family members, and "part-time Genius full-time Job" provides the right platform with the right formula at the right time.

An interview with the author, and reader reviews will be forthcoming soon, and I will post them here when they are published.

*You can read an excerpt of the book at Enelle's Book Case - I welcome your comments.

Dr. Mel Levine

2011-03-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

Today I discovered something that could be viewed as a set back for children with disabilities. I recently joined Twitter, and was browsing through tweets and related articles, when I came across a headline stating: Pediatrician in Abuse Case Killed Himself.

Being curious, I clicked on the link and was surprised to discover that the pediatrician was none other than Dr. Melvin Levine, the same Dr. Levine who with Charles Schwab, founded a nonprofit group, All Kinds of Minds, that has trained thousands of teachers, a link to which I have listed on my Resources page.

This news now begs the question, do I remove my link to All Kinds of Minds from my site, or do I keep it? In no way do I condone any type of abuse - be it animal, children, elderly, spousal or any other, and there is a lot of good quality, relevant information on All Kinds of Minds, that I am loathe to ignore or remove simply because of bad press.

For now, the link will stay, simply because we need as much good resource material as we can find.

Blogs on ADHD

2011-02-21T17:17:00.000-08:00

I recently came across a few blogs that also discuss ADD, ADHD and other attendant disabilities, and I thought it would be a good idea to call your attention to them as well. My attempt with this blog is to deliver as much information as possible to the people who need it, myself included!

The first blog on the list has an extensive list of resources you might find very helpful. I will be updating my on-site resources as well, to try and keep abreast of the information available, but I am not adverse to sending you to another blog if that will help you find the info that you need.

http://adhdguide.blogspot.com/
http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com/
http://adhd-treatment-options.blogspot.com/
http://www.myaddblog.com/

There are many others, and I have only listed a few of the ones on the main Google search page. I'm not sure if any of these blogs deal with ODD or OCD, but there are some wonderful stories and resources available on them, and they are definitely worth reading!

Additional Resources

2011-02-21T14:19:00.001-08:00

Hi again! I know it's been a while since I have posted, so I want to make it up to you by giving you more resources to help with your "behavioral" child/children. I know this might sound like I'm jumping the gun by saying that, but as I have my own "behavioral" child to raise, I know I need as many resources as possible!

Some good news (I think!) My son's school has informed me that there is a program available for him for next year instead of attending a regular grade 9 class. Hallelujah!!! I have been very concerned that he will get eaten alive when he starts high school, or worse, booted out before spring break!
There are only so many things we, as parents, can do to help our kids once they hit school, so I was very pleased that there is an alternate solution for my son's needs.

Don't get me wrong, my son is very bright. But he is also very bored! He really hates school (not that I blame him, I didn't like it much either, and I'm sure most of you felt the same way,) but unfortunately, he doesn't have a choice, which in turn makes my life harder. I'm sure many of you have been, or soon will be in my shoes.

I am always on the look-out for more resource material and books that can help with my son's behaviors. I have found some that I didn't see on my last trip to my library, so I decided I should add them to the site so others could make use of them too. Hopefully there is something here that can help you as well.

Singleparentitis and ADHD

2010-06-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

When my son first started exhibiting behaviours that weren't considered to be in the 'normal' growth range, I was encouraged to seek outside help regarding parenting. I immediately found a parenting course for ADHD/ADD/Difficult Children and as my son fit the 'Difficult Children' category, I signed up for the six week course. During the six weeks, we documented behaviour, applied strategies and posted the results. We had homework every week, and our spouses were also given tasks to complete. Many of the parents took turns regarding homework, however, there were some of us who could not engage our partners to help. I was one of the people in the latter category.

My husband (at the time) decided that he couldn't give any of his time to learning about our son's challenges, opting instead to have me learn everything and pass it along to him. This wasn't the solution I was looking for, but had little choice except to go along with his decision. After I had completed the course, I realized that there was a lot more to it than simply passing along information, so I signed him up for the next six week course.

He didn't attend one class.

Shortly after that, I made the decision to move my son and myself, and go live with my daughter. After making that move, I had to deal with the fall out from the decision, which made our life much more difficult, something, I'm sure, many of you have experienced.

Singleparentitis is not regulated to only families with ADHD children, unfortunately though, the statistics for this possibility are much higher when one or more children of the marriage have a disability, simply because of the added stress.

Of course, there are many factors that need to be present before the onset of Singleparentitis, and not all the symptoms are the same for everyone. However, if you are suffering from Singleparentitis, there are some things that you can do to help aleviate some of the symptoms.

First and foremost, you need support! There are several avenues you can pursue, one being a local chapter of C.H.A.D.D., both in the U.S. and Canada, your local Mental Health facility should also have listings for parent groups, or you could check with your doctor for any support groups in your area.

Give yourself some "me" time. Find something you enjoy doing and set aside some time at least once a week. I know it is difficult, but if you don't recharge your batteries you won't be able to deal with the day to day challenges and the stress will overwhelm you.

Whatever you do, don't lock yourself away and suffer in silence. You need to vent, relax, talk with people who are dealing with the same challenges, or simply get away from it all for a couple of hours. If you find that difficult, you might want to look into some respite care. This will allow you the time to unwind and recharge, something that is very necessary for your mental and physical health.

Above all, don't lose hope! Singleparentitis isn't permanent, it just feels like it some days!

On a Personal Note

2010-06-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have written anything personal, as I have been concentrating on making sure my readers had as much up to date information and support as I could find. So today, I'm going to play catch up.

For those of you who have been following my blog, you already know about my son. However, for the new readers out there who have (hopefully) stumbled onto my page, I am a single mother of a (now) 13 year old boy who has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress. Quite a mouthful, and to be honest, quite a lot to deal with some days.

After my son had such a dismal grade 6 year, I decided to move to Maple Ridge, where, I had heard, there was more in school support. I must say, the professionals who have been seeing my son for the past 9 months have been amazing! What a change from his last school.

Unfortunately, he is in the last month of his last elementary year. Next year, he is slated to attend Junior High - something that neither of us are prepared for.

However, we have been spared that particular dilemma, by once again moving - I know, I know, but each move has been less traumatic and to better neighbourhoods and schools, so the upheaval can be weighed against the yearly improvements I have been seeing in my son.

This particular location (Langley) has a wonderful support system for kids like mine, and even better, a middle school. The perfect solution to ease my son into Junior High. I have been in touch with the school, and they in turn, have been in touch with the principal of my son's present school, so hopefully everything will be in place before he starts grade 8 - God willing and the creeks don't rise!

I will keep you posted on his progress...

ADHD Information Links

2010-03-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of information on the web about ADHD and its attendant disabilities. When I was looking for help it seemed nearly impossible to find a website or blog that fit my circumstances, and the amount of different websites and articles was overwhelming.
While I know that being informed is crucial to helping your child, being overwhelmed by the glut of information all over the web isn't going to do much for your perseverance!
My aim for this blog is to gather as many articles, websites and resources as possible in one area.

So, to help you in your search for information, I am providing links to as many relevant sites as I can. If you happen to know of any that I have missed (and this will be an ongoing posting as I find more,) please email me and I will include your link in this post.

I hope these prove helpful to you, I know many of them helped me.

ADHD Articles on HubPages

Living With an ADHD/ODD Child
If you are viewing this, you might be attracted by the idyllic picture of my son and me. I have to admit, we do portray a warm, loving family unit, but looks can be deceiving. We only achieve familial bliss half the time. The other half of the time is spent arguing, cajoling, manipulating, yelling, (yes yelling) slamming doors, growling...well you get the picture.

My Son's Elementary Education - Finding the Right School
In my previous post, I introduced you to my son, who has ADHD, ODD, Anxiety Disorder, and some Post Traumatic Stress. (Believe me that's a lot for a child to handle, never mind the parents.)

How To Cope With Your Child's ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)
This is for the parents who live with this disability, day in, and day out. If they are lucky, maybe they catch a break on the weekend, (depending on whether you are a single parent) if not, then unless a good friend, family member or paid respite worker steps in and shoulders some of the responsibility, there is no break.

ADHD/ADD And Their Co-disorders
As a parent, teacher, caregiver of a child with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) we know the arduous task of caring for, raising, and teaching them.

Symptoms of ADD and ADHD
Because anyone can display the following symptoms at one time or another, especially children, the criteria for diagnosing ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is very specific.

The Truth About Over Medicating ADHD Children
This is likely the most controversial topic when it comes to the ADD/ADHD subject. So what's the controversy over medicating children with ADD or ADHD?

Testing for ADHD
There is no single medical, neurological, or attentional test that can reliably identify ADHD. But, by monitoring patterns of behavior , and taking a series of tests can help t identify this mental disorder. The particular combination of tests selected to test you for ADHD will depend on your clinician, but will likely include assessments of personality and problem solving styles, current fears and concerns, and intellectual functioning.

ADHD and Siblings

2010-02-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was asked by a reader to post an article about ADHD and siblings. Every parent with more than one offspring is well aware of sibling rivalry, but when one or more of your children has a disorder such as ADHD, (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) ADD, (Attention Deficit Disorder) ODD, (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) OCD, (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Aspergers, or PTSD, (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) to name a few, the resulting upsets can create intense feelings of dislike, parental favoritism, and loss of empathy with the affected sibling.

This does not mean that your "normal" child doesn't love his sibling. It just means the child has reached his limit regarding the sibling's behaviors. It is difficult enough for an adult to deal with the behaviors, let alone a child. Adults can, with help, distinguish between normal, age related developmental behaviors, and those that accompany a disability. Children, on the other hand, have enough of a challenge handling their own developmental stages, never mind trying to figure out why a sibling's behavior is 'over the top' and unpredictable.

These feelings are not limited to younger children, and can present themselves in pre-teens and teenagers as well. On a personal note, my daughter was eighteen when she came to live with my son and I, having previously moved to live with her father to finish her schooling in a different district. As her brother's behaviors became harder to handle, she reacted by distancing herself from him, to the point where she refused to have anything to do with his care and attention.

I share this information with you to illustrate just one of many reactions siblings can have to continuous, intense behaviors. Unfortunately, when these events were taking place, I was overwhelmed, with little to no support, and had no knowledge of what was happening and why. I felt like a referee of a title bout between two heavyweight boxers!

Needless to say, every family member is affected by the behaviors of a child with ADHD/ODD (or any of the others listed above,) but none more so than the child's siblings. As parents, we need to provide them with a safe, loving, understanding environment which is sometimes easier said than done.

Understanding the disability helps to a certain degree, as does having someone other than a family member to talk to. (It is a good idea for all family members to learn about the disability!) Scheduling some one-on-one or alone time for the siblings also helps them to 'recharge' and de-stress. They need to be reassured that you are doing your best to meet their needs and not simply expecting them to cope without your support and guidance.

Setting firm and consistent boundaries regarding their privacy and personal possessions will also go a long way to helping them deal with the actions of the ADHD/ODD child. Try not to place any responsibility on the siblings for the care and attention (ie: babysitting) of the ADHD/ODD child, as this will likely cause stress, avoidance and resentment.

As the ADHD/ODD child matures, many of the behaviors you are presently dealing with will abate or change, depending on the developmental stage the child is going through. However, until that happens, you still need the right information to help you deal with the present situation.

One way to get that information, is to check out the books I have listed on this blog, another is to speak to your Community Services counselor. They should be able to provide information on available programs, support services and family counseling. The more informed you are, the better you can provide the support your children need.

Education 101

2009-03-04T18:05:00.000-08:00

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. As you might have gathered from reading my posts, I have a son who has been diagnosed ADHD/ODD, with Anxiety Disorder, and some Post Traumatic Stress.

What I did not know, or even contemplate was the fact that he also might have an underlying Learning Disability as well.

After speaking with a representative from the Learning Disability Association of Canada (there is also an American Association) I discovered that it is quite common for children diagnosed with this disorder, and others associated with it, to have an undiagnosed learning disability as well.

Most schools know very little about ADHD/ODD, and are reluctant to take advice from 'irate parents', so if you are serious about getting the help your child needs, there are steps you can take that could possibly assist.

First, you need to have your child designated with your school. This allows for an aide to be assigned to help with his or her education needs.

If you are experiencing problems at school, it might be wise to have your child evaluated academically, using a psycho-educational assessment. Don't take anything for granted. Professionals don't always disclose the necessary resources available to you, or all the steps needed to find the answers you require. It has taken years and a lot of digging for me to unearth the processes to ensure my son gets the best possible support and education.

I thought the school I chose for my son was perfect, and that they were dedicated to helping him be successful, which they were. However, administrations change, as do staff, so you need to be well versed with the policies of the present administration, as well as the school board.

Being unfamiliar with I.E.P.s (Individual Education Plans)and I.B.P.s, (Individual Behaviour Plans) I was more than willing to go along with our school, as they accepted my suggestions, implementing them in the classroom, along with a series of steps to help my son de-stress, with the ultimate goal of full integration in the class.

As they were successful for 2 years, I was happy to stay in an advisory, when necessary, capacity. I left the writing of the I.E.Ps and I.B.Ps in the hands of the professionals, content that was one area I didn't have to worry about.

However, as I mentioned earlier, things are subject to change, and it became necessary for me to learn about Behavioural and Educational Plans, and the proper way to construct them.

The plans need to set clear, concise goals that have specified time limits, show what methods will be used to achieve them, and who is responsible for implementing them. This way, when the time limit is reached, you can evaluate the child's progress, see what methods have been successful, and make any necessary changes to reach the objectives set forth in the plan.

The time limits should be long enough to obtain the goal, yet short enough to allow assessment of not only the child's progress, but his or her performance levels.

These plans not only assesses academic achievement, but incorporates their physical and mental health as well. Without a total picture, you could be missing a vital step to ensuring your child's success.

You can get all the relevant information and more from the Learning Disability Association website in your area. If you are unsure how to contact them, just google "Learning Disability of Canada/America".

This resource can be your best friend when it comes to advocating for your child. If ever there was a one-stop-shopping center, this is it. I know I have benefited from speaking with them, and what helps me, ultimately helps my son.

Practical Guidelines for Raising a Child with Adhd

2009-02-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

1. Give Your Child Instant Reaction and Consequences More Often

When your child is faced with a job they find boring, tedious or unrewarding, you can guarantee they will find something else to do. If you want them to stay on task, then you will have to find a way to make it more interesting, or rewarding. Positive feedback, coupled with a reward system such as tokens, extra privileges or earning points etc, and mild negative consequences for straying off task are all ways to help keep your child stay focused. Also, if you are trying to change negative behaviours, you must give quick rewards and prompt feedback for good behaviour. Instead of looking for bad behaviour, start seeking out times when your child is behaving well, and give immediate praise.

2. Give Your Child Frequent Response

As mentioned in number 1, immediate feedback can be very helpful, even when given occasionally, but when you give it often, the results are much more beneficial. This doesn’t mean you should run around after your child, finding things to praise him for, no one has time for that. What you can do is instead of waiting until your child has finished his homework or cleaning his room, is to give him some praise and encouragement for what he has accomplished now. Because as you well know, sometimes the completion of a chore can take longer, and is most times accompanied by at least one argument. The more often you encourage your child with positive feedback, the more often he will stay on task.

3. Use Bigger and More Potent Consequences

Being the parent of an Adhd/Odd child, I have had to raise the bar with regard to punishments and consequences. What works for most kids, won’t work for children with this disability. I know there is a school of thought that says we shouldn’t ‘materially’ reward our kids too often because this could replace their feelings of accomplishment and desire to please. But these basic rewards aren’t enough to motivate or stop an Adhd child from inappropriate behaviours. Therefore it is important that more physical attention, like hugs, special snacks or treats, or even small toys and special privileges be considered to induce your child to do chores, homework, follow rules or behave well. (We used to call it bribery, but I find it works well.)

4. Use Incentives More, Punishment, Less

When children misbehave or do something wrong, it is common for their parents to serve up a punishment. However, when you have a child with Adhd who is much more likely to misbehave or act out, this could translate into an abnormal amount of negative reinforcement because they are consistently being punished. This can lead to a build up of resentments on both sides, and cause your child to become more hostile, or avoid you altogether.

Professionals stress “Positives before negatives.” How you do that is simple. When you want to change a negative behaviour with a positive one, such as playing well with siblings, simply watch for times when that behaviour happens naturally, and praise your child. The more often you do this, you will notice, the more often it occurs. However, before you begin to reprimand the opposite behaviour, make sure you have been consistently rewarding the good behaviour for at least a week or longer. A good ratio to keep in mind is 1 to 3. One punishment for every three accounts of praise or rewards. You have to pick your battles. By this, I mean you can’t punish your child for everything when you are trying to change a particular behaviour. You have to be consistent with praise and rewards, and place less emphasis on the punishments. Reward systems are a viable tool to help with this.

5. Segment Chores and Countdown for Transitions

You might have noticed that your child has difficulty completing complex chores like cleaning his room and has trouble shifting from an enjoyable activity to one that is tedious or just plain not fun. Because an Adhd child is focused in the ‘now’, they have a poor concept of ‘later’. By this, I mean they don’t have the same sense of time as other kids. They cannot comprehend the demands that involve timelines, or future results. An hour to them is the same as 5 minutes to us. If you want your child to complete a task in a certain amount of time, the best way to achieve that is have a clock or egg timer set for the desired time limit, and put it where they can see it. The downside to this is you have to keep bring it to their attention for it to work. Some parents use a recording that counts down the time in 5, 10 and 15-minute increments. I use that method vocally.

In order to get your child to finish a complex chore, like cleaning their rooms, the best way to accomplish this is to segment the chore. In other words, break it up into smaller pieces. Instead of having them ‘clean their rooms’, start with having them put their books in the bookcase, or put away all of their Lego. When that is completed, have them put their clothes away, etc. This will help them to keep their focus. The same method can be used to get the child to work on school assignments that require considerable research over a long period of time.

When it becomes necessary to shift their focus from an activity they enjoy to something like eating supper, or getting ready for bed, a good way to do this with a minimum of fuss is to give a verbal reminder, so they are prepared for the transition. Let them know that supper will be ready in a half hour, then again in 15 minutes, and so on. Then when you instruct them to wash up, they are prepared to stop what they are doing and switch gears. This method can be used for everything from getting ready for school, to bath time or being on time for doctor’s appointments.

6. Make Sure They Know the Rules

Adhd children have troubles with their memory. Specifically, the area of the memory, or the ability, to keep an objective forefront in their thoughts, such as retaining data needed to complete a task correctly. Something I have found particularly helpful is to write down important information, as you would important phone numbers in case of an emergency. The same principal applies here.

If your child has trouble with homework, write out a checklist of the steps from start to finish and place it on the table. This way when they start to go off-task, you can remind them to check the card to see what step they are currently working on. Or if your child has a problem playing nicely with others, or his behaviour goes over the top when someone comes over, write down the behaviours or rules that you want them to remember, and have them review the list before playing with friends, or visitors arrive.

An excellent way to reinforce this list of rules is to offer an incentive upon successful completion or remembering and following the guidelines. Whenever possible, have your child use a hands-on, physical approach to remember things. Most Adhd kids respond better when they can see and or touch something rather than just remembering.

7. Be Consistent

One of the most important things you can do to help your child is to be consistent. One of the simplest and hardest tasks a parent of an Adhd child faces is consistency. Do your best to use the same methods to handle your child’s behaviour every time. Regardless of where you are, be it in a store, or visiting, or at your child’s school, use the same tactics as you would at home. And don’t give up, Rome wasn’t built in a day!

A lot of parents think that explaining to their child why they shouldn’t continue with a certain behaviour is better than creating a ‘scene’ when in a public place. I recently had to visit a clinic, and while I was waiting my turn, I watched a 4-year-old run out the door and down the walkway. He was immediately followed by his older brother, who brought him back. As soon as the brother sat down, the little boy dashed out the door again, this time pursued by his mother. This behaviour continued for over half an hour. The mother was obviously frustrated, the father sat and did nothing, and the little boy’s behaviour irritated everyone in the waiting room.

Explaining to this child why he shouldn’t rush out the door was completely lost on him. And this is what I am trying to explain here. Your child isn’t stupid. He or she is intelligent, and generally very articulate. But simply reasoning with him will not stop the behaviour. Action speaks louder than words, especially with Adhd kids.

8. Use Foresight

Whenever you are making plans for an outing, family get-together, shopping, or dinner out, remember to go over the rules of conduct and consequences with your child. Have them repeat them back to you so you know he has heard and understands. This lessens the chances of acting out, or bad behaviour. Use frequent praise for the child’s good behaviour while you are out. This bolsters their self-esteem and reinforces the good behaviours.

9. Don’t Take It Personally

Remember, you are dealing with a behaviourally disabled child. Don’t take his bad behaviour personally. He acts out because he can’t help it, not because you are a bad parent. Try to keep your cool, and your sense of humour when dealing with problems. This can go a long way to relieving the stress and frustration of the situation. And above all, don’t hold it against him. By this I mean, don’t hold a grudge. Tomorrow is another day.

My son could have a particularly trying day, filled with arguments, confrontations, screaming matches, slamming doors and lost privileges. But when he goes to bed at night, all of that is in the past. He wakes up the next morning bright, happy, and loving. Everything that happened the day before is forgotten and forgiven. He starts each day with a clean slate, and so should you.

This doesn’t mean any consequences incurred the day before should be forgotten, but it does mean that the anger, frustration, disappointment or hurt the behaviour carried with it, should. It isn’t easy, but practice makes perfect.

How Can You Tell If Your Child Has ADHD?

2009-01-23T10:02:00.000-08:00

There isn't one symptom that embodies ADHD. Rather, there are a myriad of behaviours that when manifested for a prolonged period of time, could suggest your child has this disability. I would like to state here that if you notice any of the behaviours associated with this disorder, you should not jump to the conclusion that your child has ADHD.

Diagnosing ADHD isn't simple, nor should it be. It is a complicated disorder, and there are many levels of this disability, from mild to extreme.

If you suspect your child has a problem, don't ignore it with the hopes that it will go away. You should consider having your child evaluated by a professional when any of the following conditions exist:

...for the period of at least 6 months, the child exibits inattentiveness, excessive activity and impulsiveness exceeding that in other children of the same age.

...you consistantly need to assist your child with daily personal chores, like getting dressed, personal hygiene, getting ready for bed or cleaning their room due to an inability to perform these tasks independently.

...other children do not like playing with your child or avoid the child because of excessive activity, emotional or aggressive behaviour.

...day-care staff, teachers, or other parents have told you that your child has been having significant problems with behaviour for several months.

...you repeatedly lose your temper with the child, feel you need to use excessive physical discipline to manage the child, are afraid you might be on the verge of harming the child, you are sleep deprived, exhausted, fatigued, or even depressed because of the amount of time and energy needed to manage and raise the child.

As you can see from this partial checklist, Adhd isn’t simply 'not paying attention'. Adhd is often associated with other behavioural and emotional disorders. Research shows that up to 45% of children diagnosed with Adhd have at least one other psychiatric disorder, sometimes two or more. They also display more symptoms of depression and anxiety (that aren’t high enough for a psychiatric diagnosis) than other children.

As a starting point, with a school aged child, you might want to consider having him or her evaluated. There are several tests that can be administered by the counsellors and teachers, with yourself, that help to pinpoint any problems with behaviour, inattention and hyperactivity.

One of the most important and informative books available is 'Taking Charge of ADHD - the complete authoritative guide for parents' by Russell A. Barkley, PhD. This book encompasses a wide range of relevant topics regarding this disability, from what to expect, possible solutions for getting a handle on ADHD, medications, and information resourses.

If you suspect your child does have this disability, the best way you can help is to educate yourself. The more you know, the better able you are to provide the support necessary to maintaining a healthier, happier relationship with your child. And it goes a long way to reducing the daily stress that is so prevalent with this disability.

What is ADHD?

2009-01-21T15:09:00.000-08:00

There are many opinions about ADHD, one of them being that ADHD is not a medical disability. There are a lot of people who feel that parents are simply using it as an excuse to not discipline their children. Where this could be the case in some instances, it unfortunately, in the majority of cases is not. ADHD is real.

ADHD stands for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and is a developmental disorder of self control. Challenges relating to attention span, impulse control and activity levels are all part and parcel of this disorder.

It is not, as you might have been hoping, a temporary state that your child will grow out of. It is not caused by your 'failure' as a parent, or lack of discipline.

It would be easier as a parent to deal with a physical manifestation of a disability because there would be no mistaking a problem. With ADHD, there is no such manifestation. These children look completely normal. There is no outward sign there is anything wrong, but there is.

Many psychologists and medical professionals believe there is an imperfection in the brain that causes the constant movement and 'bad' behaviours that people find so unbearable in these children.

The fact that you are reading this suggests that you are very familiar with with the way others react to your child's behaviours. Meaning, they erroneously assume your 'little Alice' needs more discipline, and view your attempts at parenting as permissive or careless to say the least.

I have heard on more than one occasion, "Can't you do something about your son?" Unfortunately, I am! When I answer that my son has ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and some Post Traumatic Stress, they more often than not react judgmentally. They see the 'ADHD label' as an excuse by me to avoid the responsibility of parenting my child, or worse yet, of making my son into a victim who is not accountable for his actions.

None of which is true.

It's exceedingly frustrating dealing with the hypocritical and judgmental responses. Not only do they see my son's behaviour negatively, they believe he is 'normal' (due to no physical manifestations of a disorder) and blame me for his actions. Either that, or they offer their 'worldly wisdom' that my son will 'grow out of it'.

Even my own doctor has said the same things to me. "Don't worry, it could just be a phase he is going through." or "I'm sure he will grow out of it, just hang in there." Where this might be true with some milder forms of ADHD, there is no way this will happen with my son. I have been 'hanging on' now for 11 years!

Here are a few statistics for you.
5 - 8%, or more than 2.5 million school age children have ADHD. Put in perspective, that translates to one or two kids with ADHD in EVERY classroom throughout the U.S./Canada. Up to 30 - 50% of these kids will be held back a grade (at least once) As many as 35% drop out of high school altogether. For half of these kids, social relationships are seriously messed up, and for over 60%, their consistent defiant behaviour leads to resentment from siblings and peers, which in turn means more frequent punishments and a greater potential for delinquency and/or substance abuse when they are older.

ADHD is one of the most common childhood disorders the medical professionals are aware of, and one of the most misunderstood.

Here are a few more stats for you.
Over 20% of kids with ADHD have set serious fires in their communities, over 30% have stolen, 40% smoke and drink earlier, and more than 25% are expelled from high school due to serious misconduct.

In their first 5 years of driving, adolescents with an ADHD diagnosis have almost 4 times as many accidents, are more likely to cause bodily harm, and have 3 times as many speeding tickets as kids without ADHD.

Raising a child with ADHD is not for the faint-hearted. I can personally tell you this roller coaster ride is a white knuckle experience that I would gladly do almost anything not to be on.

ADHD is a disorder that needs to be taken seriously. I have been living, learning, and dealing with this for the last 11 years, and the one constant I have noticed is the lack of education regarding this disability. And I'm not only speaking about your child's teachers, neighbours, friends, family and peers. I'm talking about you as parents.

In order to help your child deal with, work through, and overcome this disability, you need to educate yourselves on the complete spectrum of this disorder. In most cases you are their only advocate, friend, adviser, and support. Your child needs you to understand what is going on with them so they don't fall through the cracks and become another statistic.

I'm not saying this is an easy task. Trust me, I would love not to have to take on this additional responsibility. I would love to have a career and carefree holidays in a tropical paradise with no worries except whether my luggage arrives the same time I do. But if I don't do this for my son, who will? Certainly not his teachers, doctors, counselors, family members or friends. And he doesn't have the focus, drive or interest to do it himself, (being the nature of the disability) so that leaves me, and I can't let him down.

So please bear with me as I help my son through helping you. Hopefully you will at the very least, know that you are not alone in your struggles.